alvida

hey guys...
sorry, i dont think i'll be able to blog or read any blogs anymore. i tried, but with 50 hours at work each week +homework +projects + research to finish and due dates to meet and remotely try have a life is kinda hard to do...

so i bid adieu... cant really give a time frame of when i'll return or even if i'll return. anyways, its not like many people read this blog ... and you guys have been blogging without me for quite some time now...

either way.... bye!!

alvida.

ahhhhhhh

so my new job started... now u'd think.. a JOB... money is involved, i must be getting paid so i shouldnt whine ALOT right?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
sadly, its the other way around. i pay tuition at school == and from school im send out to these clinics to work for FREE. so in all technicality, i pay them to work. IM LOOSING MONEY in this ordeal, and im NOT HAPPY about this.

i work 9 hours on M/W/F and 10-11 hours on T/TH all FOR FREE. so not cool. oh man... all the people i get lift and move. yea everyone wants a massage and everyone wants to be stretched. my fingers are dying at the end of the day. i mean giving a deep tissue massage isnt easy on the finger joints... especially when u're doing 10-20 minutes per patient, for 10-15 patients a day... 5 days a week. YIKES.

ok ok im done bitching. besides the annoying part of not getting paid, and fingers and legs and shoulders hurting. its a pretty rewarding job and i can totally see my self working like this for the rest of my life. its awesome to be able to see someone come in with pain off the charts and not even able to raise their arm and when ure done, you see them lifting groceries, their kids/grand kids and what not.. its just nice to see that.

now that thats said and done.. AHHHHHHHHH I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE KEEP TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING. i mean im a talker and i like patients who tell me their stories, makes therapy fun. although, everytime i do something you keep pointing out how im not doing this right.. how I moved from the spot.. and the worse part of all is... she tells me HOW TO TO DO MY JOB. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

most times when a patient tells me oh you missed the spot or it really hurts here i appreciate it cause obviously the patient knows when and where it hurts, its THEIR body after all. but when you tell me that im doing everything wrong its quite annoying. i hate poeple like that... lol reading fake shit on the internet, telling my degree doesnt mean anything. ahhhhhh!!!
talking those patients and trying to convince them that NO, going on a water diet will not reduce ure pain or eating only wheat foods will not help increase motion in ure joint is impossible. and even worse, people who talk your ear off.. i mean tell you everything and anything ... tell you about what time they woke up, how they showered... what they wore and a minute by minute run down of their day... I HATE IT. im not a fucking psychiatrist.. so BACK OFF AND SHUT UP!!

anyways... thats my week. super busy and well ears bleeding from crazy patient talk.

alive and kicking....

hey guys, i know i took a longer than expected break away from blogging. i sure did miss it..
so here's what ive been up to in the past month or so.

1. SCHOOL: OMG.. first of all november 13th was the LAST DAY OF FINALS of my 21 year career in school. phew.. who knew that when i first entered kindergarten and hated it sooo much i'd keep it up for 21 freaking years. phewwwww done and done. i now just have 20 weeks of clinicals or rotations whatever you wanna call it and then completion of school in april and GRADUATION IN MAY!!!... so obviously i was super busy wrapping up school stuff and finishing the unnecessary although mandatory projects, presentations and stupid papers. but IM DONE.. IM DONE ... IM DONE.. IM DONE!!!
i'll post pictures of most of my P.T. class up here. we obviously went out to the bars straight after the final. haha... which i decided to protest and not study for until the morning of (bad pooja.. bad pooja). although for a 3 hour cram session at 4:30 in the am paid off and i got a A in one class and a B+ in the other.

2. FAMILY: hmmm so may be many of u knew.. and some may be not, but my dear sister came to chicago in the midst of my crazy school stuff. its been super fun having her around. i totally miss bugging her and harassing her. you know of all the things i missed from both of us living in different counteries is not the talking or the communication or closeness.. technology is far to advance for that now. I MISS THE BUGGING part, oh my, i love it when i harass her when she's trying to read or sitting peacefully. =) hehehe something about the evil sibling in me, cant leave her alone. alsooooooooooooo, i love cooking and baking with her. i always seem to gain weight when she's here. the best part is mostly spending time .. REAL time with her. love ya sis... hahaha dont worry, i promise i wont let u finish that book of ures. its my mission!!!

then my parents who had left for 3 weeks --- LEFT MY BROTHER AND I ALONE FOR 3 WEEKS... and had gone to india. omg.. it was kinda nice initially to not have them around. you know eat watever you want, sleep whenever, where ever.. if u dont clean up -- WHO CARES? hahaha sadly, it got old. gotta admit... missed the parental units. my dad cause i had to remember to make all my payments, the houses's payments and what not. lol otherwise, we wouldnt have phone, electricity and gas.. bad bad when u live in the windy city of chicago. my mom cause ughhhh I HATE DOING LAUNDRY and believe it or not, i totally missed the indian food. but now that they're back... im all like "leave again.... seriously.. go". hahaha....

3. MY EX: i know i know.. i just left it off as distant friends and all. in the past month that i have disappeared. we've talked... talked and tried to clear all my doubts and reservations about this whole situation. i told you guys, if i dont even try being friends, i would always wonder what if... i hate THAT WHAT IF. that what if, alone will make me Q other relationships. i wish he hadnt said anything, cause then there woulda been NO WHAT IF. but whatever. so all we've been doing is talking all via emails. no personal contact yet... so no worries. im moving nice and slow. i still hate him. i think most of the emails have been me blowing off steam and telling him how horrible he was, and his actions were. so we're not even at the point where i've had a civilized email to him. he on the other hand has been nothing but nice and patient and very tolerant of my harsh harsh words.

so thats kinda whats been up in my life... a quick catch up of my time away. lol i know NOTHING exciting. its hard to have an exciting life, when ure finishing up graduate school. dont wanna do anything crazy and fuck up the 7 years of hard work. hehe... well hopefully you guys enjoy'd this long ass post. i cant quite promise regular posts, cause like i mentioned earlier -> i have my 20 weeks of clinicals starting monday, and my first 10 weeks is in this place i'd like future employment in, so i have to BUST my behind and show them im worth it. but i will never be gone for a month again....

oh yea.. catching up on all ure blogs will take me a LONG TIME.. be patient. i'll try to get thru most, but cant promise if i'll read all the posts made in the last 30 days.

break

hey guys, sorry i havent quite visited anyone's blog in over a week or may be even two. well you guys know - super busy wrapping up school and projects and i have two lovely jobs.
i will not be blogging until end of school - another 2-3weeks and i probably wont be able to visit most of ure blogs. although, i will try --> gives me sanity once in a while to escape into someone else's world. anyways..
wish me luck...

solution

thank you everyone for ure HONEST input. honesty is basically the best policy in situations like such.
i was at a major shock when i did first hear and realize the depth of this situation. obviously i have given much much thought to it, and weighed in ure comments and thoughts, my friends who have observed us together and apart, and most importantly my feelings.

first i mostly wanna say thanks aditi - for standing by me for any decision i make. that means alot. i htink i was looking for verification mostly from YOU just in case i make a decision to give him a chance and go back to him. obviously ure approval and such means alot to me.

next i wanna thank vik for being very honest and very helpful and mostly rational. and checking up to see if i was ok =). this is one topic that drives alot of passion from those people that have burned before. if this was another person experiencing ths, i woulda said the same thing keshi said. thanks guys, its very important to sometimes just be the strong person and say HMM I DONT THINK SO. once a cheater, always a cheater is something ive believed strongly. its not only true for men, but also for women. thanks trinnie.. yes when u are under tha magical spell of love - things just happen to be different. thank you for ure rational comment as well...

i did weigh in all the BAD and all the good that was between us. i however, do not weigh in any of the religious problems between us while making this decision. i think the biggest thing is trying to make it work between us, cause yes that is a problem but not a problem in my decision. i believe that A PERSON IS GOOD, PPL ARE BAD.
so i will never generalize and say muslims this and that... being muslim is just a part of him, not all of him.

so whats my decision... lol i know ure dying to know.
here it goes:

i told him you cant just waltz back in my life and expect us to pick up where we left off. you made alot of mistakes, big mistakes that left me hurt alot. i was broken and i picked up the pieces of my heart that you broke. my friends and famliy helped me, but u didnt once think about me and my feelings when u make selfish decisions. i partly understand why u had to make those decisions, because if my dying dad asked me to marry someone - i dont know what i woulda done ... i dont know if i coulda disappointed my dad by saying no, its my life.
but, i also told him that i couldnt just plunge into something because i DO NOT TRUST HIM.
i also said that we could just be DISTANT friends like we are right now and keep it at that. i am not ready to have extra drama, extra baggage and extra anything. most of all that he cant just waltz in here expecting me to commit just cause im not dating anyone when he's made very selfish decisions.

i did say if he wishes he can try and earn my trust back, but that doesnt mean that i'll give him a chance. it also didnt mean that i'll wait for him or that i wont date anyone. i said it was my time to be selfish and my time to do whatever i wanted.
______________

it is pretty easy to give advice to someone on what the RIGHT thing to do is, because when watching from the outside in, the RIGHT thing is apparant. its obvious and its right there smacking in u in the face and u feel like that omg, how could u not see it. although, its very very very difficult being the person making that decision. it was hard for me not cause i cant live without him, its not that i wont be able to fall in love again or i wont find someone else or any of that stuff.

its that i can live without him, been doing it for over a year. i am happy with being single. i REALLY am. i am content in my life and its actually nice to not have drama. its that i wanted to live WITH HIM for soooooo long, that all those memories came back and that little hope of my dreams coming true came back as well. its that i am happy without him around and content, that when i was with him I WAS ALWAYS ECSTATIC. its that i wasnt just content, i was more than that.

yes i did make my decisions to inherently protect my self from getting hurt again and protect my self from him fucking up again and further hurting me. although, sometimes you cant just make decisions with ure BRAIN. so i left an open window for him to try make it up to me - to make sure i dont close anything. just in case. im a person who always hangs on WHAT IF'S.
i want to make sure i leave this open because two/three years down the road i dont want to sit here and wonder, what if. because that will stop me from liking someone else.

i also think whatever happens, happens for a reason. may be this is a test of my belief's... may be this is to show me how wrong he is, or how right he is. may be this is to let me know MOVE ON, or stay - i dont know... but in time we'll know. i also think that if two people are meant to be, they'll be together somehow .. someway.
so im gonna leave it as us being DISTANT friends.... i wont put my self in a situation where the direct result is GETTING HURT. if we're really meant to be together -- then u know what we may be or better yet may be i'll FIND SOMEONE EVEN MORE WONDERFUL AND BETTER ..... who knows.

so for now..... distant friends and thats it. oh yea what you mean by distant friends. it basically means that we speak to each other once or twice every season via email or something. calls are only made if ure dying or i guess having another annulment (bad joke .. hahha). oh and personal meetings are only when mutual friends invite us both to a b'day party or something like that. even then we barely speak to each other. just a quick clarification...

thank you SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for ure honest opinions. i really do appreciate it.

torn

ok so omg.. listen up here.. if you dont already know or are still on the edge about my life being like a soap opera, this one here will definitely confirm it.
so my ex, u know the one from a year and half ago -- well before i continue with this, i have to do a quick recap
1. i was MADLY in love with him, wanted to marry him
2. we dated for almost 4 years..
2. he was the only that ever gave me butterflies every time he touched me -- even after all those years of dating him.. the butterflies were always there.
3. he did dump me, got engaged to some chick from saudi arabia within 2 months and married her soon there after

so we did manage to stay friends over this whole time, because he did rescue me from that fiasco in houston. flew me out, and paid for all the tickets and all. his wife has always been in a different country and him in a different country. he calls me the other day and says

NOW NOW.. BRACE URE SELVES....

"HEY, I DIVORCED MY WIFE, ACTUALLY ANNULED OUR NON-EXISTANT MARRIAGE." he continues to say that the marriage was only to please his parents and was only on paper. he never touched her, never slept in the same bed. i know for a fact that they were never even in the same country. he then says actually, they were only considered married in saudi arabia under the muslim religion, they weren't even legally married under the court."

and im like "hmmmmmmmmmmmm......."

and he says "i love you, always have loved you, i have never forgotten about you. im sorry i did this to you, but when u said no... blah blah blah".

well side bar real quick
we're both of two completely two different religions.. he's muslim and well im jain. his parents found out about us dating 4 months before we broke up. so ergo the "chat mangni, pat biha" thing (quick engagement and a hurried marriage). i knew all along that he was breaking up with me to marry her. he actually had asked to marry me the day we broke up - but i said NO. i wasnt ready for a marriage then. i mean i was just ending my first year of grad school. i didnt wanna tell my parents, figured they wouldnt approve of it either. i didnt wanna run away... and i was only 22. i didnt want a marriage so hurried and forced like that u know? so we broke up, and to please his parents he decided to marry HER, somone he saw the day he got married and somene he never saw again. weird huh?

right this second my heart is pounding.. pounding because one side its thinking hes back, my love, he's here.. omg he's here. the other side its thinking oh shit, he's here, i dont want him back, asshole, i said no and he runs away... blah blah

im fighting with my self the whole time he's telling me all this stuff. i just didnt know what to do..
i mean yea technically i count what he did as "cheating". even though he broke up with me.. he cheated me of the future i shoulda had with him... he went and married some stupid bimbo because she was muslim to please his parents. although, i did say no to him because i didnt wanna disappoint my parents, almost he same reason he married that bimbo.. so then arent we ALIKE? just two different ways...

its times like these i dont know what to do..

he wants to start being good friends and getting together again and he said.. eventually he'd like us to start dating and be together again. he already told his parents that he annuled that marriage for me, that he's in love with me and all... currently he's not on speaking terms with his parents.

should i be friends with him again? like really let him get close to me again??? should i give him a chance?? or should i just say NO and walk away. i havent dated a sole since i broke up with him, yea went on stupid dates here and there. no one got a second date from me but two people, and those two were forced second dates. i did madly love this guy and he's the only one that ever gave me butterflies..

i am HONESTLY asking for real advice here. so i dont know... what should i do? if i do seriously give this guy a chance, it would be FOREVER kinda chance. i dont think my parents would like it - actually i think they'd be super disappointed in me. but should i live for my parents? i mean he did - he went and married someone in a different country to keep them happy - he was miserable.

guys im super torn here..... i told him i needed time to think and time to figure somethings out. when we were together, we barely fought, he was my sanity and even after we broke up - he was there for me. i know im being redundant, and probably not making sense here. its hard to find a guy who loves you for you. he was one of those that thought i was pretty without make up and with morning breathe, horrible hungover and a mess of hair. hehe.. he was the only one who tolerated all my stupid temper tantrums - that even my family has a time dealing with.

but he did leave me. so i dont know.. i need a third rational party to tell me wats up. is it practical to go after love or should i just stay rational and logical and unforgiving. how big of a mistake is TOO big to forgive? is this TOO big?

sorry for the ramble

1-800-THE-POOJ

so i was thinking that one day when i have a clinic, what would i call it, what would it spell... what catchy # would i use as a marketing tool. i thought to me, and my self said 'hmmm THE POOJ' would be good. a number that spells THE POOJ. what might you ask that be..
well here's a website for your convienience. put a word and it'll tell u what the digits are for it. put in ure # and it'll tell u what it spells, if anything.

hahaha my cellie quite doesnt spell anything. its FUN. lol my ex introduced me to it, i used to text him from a # that spelled POO BEAR, cause thats what he called me. yea yea yea keep the aww's and the how cute.

so i was playing around on the website yesterday trying to see if THE POOJ is catchy enough or what else could i call it =)... something fun, check it out.

click me <--- here's the website!! have fun...

creative imagination???

ok this is definitely not one of those profound posts..
this is one of those AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH kinda posts...

first things first.. my 3 year research is due next week. now this is one of those pass or you cant graduate kind of things and the grading is pretty high here. so everyone is FREAKING OUT. im not one to FREAK OUT. im one of those that says "well 70 means you pass, and 90 means you pass"... i'll take the 70. after 3 years, i could care less about my grade, i just WANT OUT OF HERE. so yes my lovely group - full of the idiots that i cant deal with. one of them is who i call the head bitch, she acts like she's next the best thing that happened to this planet. according to her she's right after oxygen and water ....
so i write up my part of the analysis and send it to the group and she writes up her part. i looked at her part, and it was CLEARLY lacking ANALYSIS. it was just a list in bullets format. how do you not ANALYZE something when the assignment is called ANALYSIS????
so i emailed her and told her "hey, you might want to expand on the bullets, because its worth 70% of our grade, and the prof asked us not to use bullets. thanks".
she emails me back and says "sorry, but i didnt want to just bullshit like you did. i actually said what i had to say without just rambling on like you. i hope that at a grad school level we can be concise, brief and still get the point around in a professional manner. im sorry you dont seem to understand that. thank you"

NOW NOW NOW.. SAY WHAT BIATCH???

i decided to keep my cool. first of all im better than her and i wont stoop to her level. second of all im more mature than her and my graduation depends on this. i took couple of deep breathes and said forget it. later on in the week i had to meet with my group to finish some tings... and she kept saying "bullshit like we did before" "bullshit like that" "bullshit this and that"

so to keep my self from plunging at her and punching her until the word bullshit is erased from her memory, i had to use my imagination to keep sane. so i continued to imagine my self putting her in a HUGE ball like the hamsters have and rolling her down the highway and watching her roll around in that as cars pass her by. hahahaha... i also did imagine me putting her on a space ship and then one of those huge star trek things comes and blows her ship into little pieces and the pieces end up making the little star trek symbol. i even imagined that it was one of those WWF matches, LOL - i even used a chair. hahahahahaha

then i thought what could be worse than sitting in this meeting, something to cheer me up. lets see id rather be run over a snow plow repeatedly, id rather be projected off a ferris wheel into hot boiling pot of lava, or id rather have a bunch of ninja's kung fu kick my ass into space... etc

got me through the meeting without causing some permenant damage.. sometimes its just better to keep patient and calm. ALTHOUGH, it doesnt mean you cant IMAGINE things, what people dont see, people dont know. haha, whatever it takes to keep a cool front, cause thats what people see and thats what matters.

me time...

hmm ever feel like in this crazy schedule that we have, none of us get me time???
i mean even on a day off, those of us that are still in school, have homework, projects blah blah to do. for those that are still in school or working - there's always ERRANDS to run, laundry to do, cleaning the room - bathroom - kitchen - something always needs to be cleaned, bank, checks, payments -- if none of this - then the moron you finds the need to schedule time with friends. this involves entertaining, therefore more cleaning and definitely cooking and smashing all of the above in a smaller time frame to have a "fun" time later.

hahaha, ends up being WAY more hectic than you imagined and there it is, sunday night. your weekend flew by, you barely got any rest or got time to relax. you actually did more work than you would on a regular weekday and now you're more exhausted than you were on friday after work. AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW??

MORE WORK.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

lol it helps i promise. hahahaha.. so i ask you when was the last time you took out ME TIME. i mean serious ME TIME. take a long ass bath, or spend the day sleeping or giving ure self a nice mani/pedi, or read for all u people that like to waste all that eye energy. OH thats right, I WENT THERE. i hate reading.
whatever it is that you like to do for ME time --> when was the last time you got to do it??

as for me? the last time i took a bath was ages ago, last time i gave me a mani/pedi was seriously over 3 months ago, last time i spend a whole day sleeping was 6 weeks ago. last time i drew or did any art was 6 years ago (sad eh?). i used to draw all the time, it was my relaxing thing to do.

my life is soo bad right now, that even when i watch tv im doing busy work for school like polishing up a project, proof reading something, fixing my presentation etc.

TAKE SOME ME TIME before you're too burned out. its easy to get lost in a routine and not think about YOU AN YOUR SANITY.

spectrum of life

you know its soo timely that vik did his recent "famous" post on extra marital affairs. recently with unwelcome proposal from my first ex to have an "affair" with him before his marriage, my second ex married and ready to be divorced, my good friend marrying someone he's not madly in love with and my other friend marrying someone he's cheated on REPEATEDLY <-- with all of this madness i have some friends in relationships that are just not suitable.

then i have a friend whose having an affair with her married boss. uh oh!! something i dont approve of, but i see it, i hear of it. so its not that i've seen it only from one side, ive been on both sides. i know a friend whose divorcing her hubbie because he cheated, i know a friend cheating on someone's hubbie. i cant make decisions for people, so im certainly not the one to judge.
then i have a friend who think she's too good for all the guys, no one's quite good enough. the man she's in love with has kids and no marriage. i know a friend who doesnt do relationships - only one night stands. i know someone who knows that the guy she's with cheats on her repeatedly, but stays for the comfort, the label of having a bf, for that self esteem boost that someone "loves" her. i know a couple in a marriage, where the guy stays at work till 8pm so that he only has to see his wife for may an hour or so before he goes back to bed. he has a small TV at his desk at work, HE DOESNT COME HOME.

i see that all around me. i see this madness, this spectrum - everyone in different aspects of their lives. everyone wanting something, but are stuck in something else. especially all the ones that are married. every single of my friend that is married or on his/her way to marriage, was in a relationship that was dysfunctional (i.e cheating, fighting, abuse, disrespect or in love with someone else).
ALL OF THEM ENDED UP MARRYING THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY HOPED THINGS WILL WORK OUT. HOPPPEEDDDD

HOPE???? i dont mean to be a buzz kill but HOPE is not something you base ure WHOLE FUTURE ON. i know i know --- u gotta have hope. but COME ON!! what are the chances of something working out when ure entering it with so much negative. lets face life shall we??
lets all grow up and really WAKE THE FUCK UP. do you really think changing the TITLE will change ure relationship??
its still u, its still him - if it doesnt work at bf/gf - you HOPE it'll work with fiance added?? if it doesnt work as fiance - you really HOPE that it'll work with the added title of "husband and wife". ITS STILL THE SAME PPL - you and him. you should be able to make it work regardless of any title. hope - nothing to do with it.

personally - im not excited with where i am in the spectrum of my life, but im DAMN happy im not anywhere near these people. i would love to be in a relationship, but im happy im not in a bad one heading to a marriage or stuck in a bad marriage heading to disaster. so all you people whining about being single... STOP IT. be happy that u arent stuck in a bad relationship or marriage.
DONT SETTLE - why should u? not cause ure better, cause u and him deserve someone good and compatible. dont be in a relationship for SELF ESTEEM , make sure ure HAPPY WITH YOU BEFORE U ENTER ANY RELATIONSHIP.

if u wanna change you, CHANGE YOU FOR YOU, not for someone else. the spectrum of life isnt that good around me.

MY WHOLE POINT - its not that UNCOMMON for disasters that you see in the drastic indian tv series to happen. they happen in everyday life - such as the life of MOI. these are the adventures lived by other commoners in my life.

CHEATER...

recently ive started playing chess with one of my friends.... it took me a while to repolish my tactics. the first time i played was 3 months ago, and that was after almost a decade or so...

so there i was, warning my friend how i hadnt played in years and i kicked off the game. eventually came the time i had to move the "horse" thingie.. and there i went all proud of me cause i went in for a kill. my friend immediately loooks at me and YELLS " YOU CHEATER... did you really think u'd get that past me".

there i was honestly offended and completely SHOCKED.. i was outraged, i looked at him pissed off. i sat there justified my move and what not, we got into this huge thing. he went and said "i dont know where u learned to play chess, but thats cheating"...

then i thought to my self.. UH OH. i learned it from the BEST cheater in the world. lol... my grandpa...
i grew up playing chess with him, and well according him as long as the other person doesnt catch u cheating is ok. hahahaha... so he always moved the horse piece a certain way, and thats what i remembered. clearly, i never caught it -- hahaha.

he always cheated in rami, but i knew the rules from my grandma and my sister, so i'd catch him. he'd sneak in a card when i wasnt looking, he'd keep a card under his pillow. lol he even would use his "old age" as an example to get away. hahaha ..... although, it was so much fun to play bluff or char so bees (420) with him. we both made up our own rules as the game advanced to each's advantage.

i remember playing cards with him when i went back after finishing high school - he hid a whole deck under his sheets and blamed it on him being sick that it took forever for him to come up with cards. LOL... i sat there wondering how i lost 10 games in a row.

hehe... i did explain to my friend about how i learned chess and well he taught me the right way. although, im glad i learned it the other way and im glad i all those fun memories with my grandpa. i wouldnt trade it for anything.... may be he's the reason i have an VERY GOOD POKER FACE =)...and he is in my inspiration when i cheat at uno, so what i like to win *insert angelic face here*

its one thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, its another thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, and be on the kids level...

among all the things that october is, october is also the month my grandpa passed away 5 years ago.

october...

sooooo the new colors on my blog are in honor halloween. although the text is in pink because october is BREAST CANCER MONTH. october is also PHYSICAL THERAPY awareness month. go to
breast cancer
physical therapy
chicago marathon
october is also the month chicago holds the annual chicago MARATHON. the marathon consists of thousands of people from all over the world, mostly usa and africa and few other countries. the marathon is 26.2 miles, and a big mile stone towards progressing to the higher level marathon. you have to qualify within a certain time limit to go forward to the higher level. i volunteered on the medical team last year. it was a AWESOME experience and i wish i could do it again this year. its on OCTOBER 7TH, the marathon starts at 8am and ends around 3pm. please if ure in chicago, go downtown and just help out or go support the runners. it takes tremendous effort, motivation and determination to run this and accomplish this milestone. many of the runners are in the middle ages and or young children. they even have a special race for the disabled atheletes, who perform with great capacity. since your body is not designed to run without a stop for 6 hours at a time, it just collapses at the finish line. its fascinating how people finish this race, its not easy running for 26.2 miles. it takes my car 35-40 minutes at 45 mph to accomplish around 26 miles. imagine running it?
its just a different feeling to be around people who have accomplished something like this.. just fabulous to help out. for someone that knows how hard running is - my personal goal is to run 2 miles without stopping. (hahahaha i know its pathetic, but whatever) i really appreciate these runners. i did a post on it last year when i volunteered, sucks i cant reference it cause i shut down my old blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hahaha yes yes indeed all of you were right. chocolate is something i couldnt do without for TOO LONG. although if its worth anything its super hard to go without something thats in ure face at all times. i mean whats happened to our society even simple healthy foods have chocolate in it to make it taste better:
cereal - coco puffs, coco krispies and what not
granola bars - chocolate chips, heath bars, snickers power bars
cookies
ice cream - omg, alot of variety of chocolate ice cream..
cakes - so many different kinds..oh my
brownies
candy
trail mix - even that has chocolate
coffee - all GOOD tasting fraps and capachinos have mocha
hot chocolate
muffins - even muffins are made with chocolate chips -- that i actually dont like
bread
spreads like nutella
milk - chocolate milk or powders like ovaltine and bournvita
lets not forget all the different types of chocolate - omg kit kats, twix and what not. and my ultimate favorite is cadbury's fruit and nut (yummilicious)
smores

I MEAN this is just everyday things... so yes i slipped. but i mean it was hard to keep up, cause even if i go to study, i cant have coffee. i even bought chocolate coffee from folgers. what i told you i liked coffee and chocolate, its an awesome combination, smells like hot chocolate. its phenomenal actually. it was just too difficult, but well my goal is to lower the amount of chocolate intake.. although i did last a whole 2 weeks before my slips..

so ALL OF YOU ARE WINNERS AND EACH OF YOU HAVE ONE WISH... please make it reasonable. i'll try my best to make it come true ;)

ENJOY OCTOBER AND all things fabulous. in it.. more awareness posts will be coming.

wanna bet?

HI, my name is paulomee and im addicted to chocolate. its been 2 weeks and ive been struggling.
hhahahaha... no no i wouldnt willingly give up chocolate. lol im the bearer of magnets and stickers that read 'will work for chocolate' 'i would give up chocolate, but im not a quitter' 'chocolate is the cure for all' etc!
so recently i lost a BIGGGG bet with a friend... the stakes were high.
he bet no beer until Christmas and i bet no chocolate until Christmas... and by gosh, i lost. so yes... i have been chocolate less for the past 2 weeks. now can u imagine how hard it is.. not cause im addicted. that is partially the reason, but its cause CHOCOLATE IS EVERYWHERE.

its in ice cream, granola bars, milk, cookies, cereal, MOCHA drinks and coffee, brownies, pie, chocolate syrup, candy, Godiva (love iittt), chocolate mints, chocolate strawberries, nutella, hot coco....etc. yes, there's always options for chocolate less things, and most things like cereal and stuff - i dont even like chocolate in them. ITS THE REMINDER.. its when you see it and ure reminded that you cant have it, you want it. its the FORBIDDEN FRUIT and its much more enticing to me since its forbidden...

its quite annoying, but none the less ive had only 2 mistakes. i ate mint chocolate chip ice cream by mistake and chocolate cereal by mistake. usually my favorite cereal is raisin nut branch (love ittttttt) or honey nut branch or something like that -- but we were out and all i saw was coco puffs. ALTHOUGH, i am trying hard to stay away from it.

so lets see how long i last.... im taking bets on who thinks how long i'll last.
im supposed to last till december 25th. from today onwards i want bets on when YOU think my next slip up will be...
whoever wins gets one wish that shall be granted by me.. now now be reasonable with ure wish.. and u can wish for anything expect something insane like "buy me a computer or gimme a million dollars".

lets see who wins.!!!!

sorry guys, i havent quite been around in the past couple days... school's been super busy and all the billion projects are catching up to me. since, this is the last academic quater, its wrap up time, with only 5 more weeks to go.

so bear with me for couple for days... may be weeks.
sorry that i havent quite visited any of ure sites either... hopefully soon =)

micchami dukkadam..

so like my sister said in her post paryushan again that our paryushan ended on saturday and it was that time of the year for saying micchami dukkadam. please refer to her post, micchami dukkadam for what that means in depth. it just technically means that you forgive and forget things when someone says it to u and ask for forgivenes from someone by saying "micchami dukkadam" ure self. BASICALLY start off with a clean slate... atleast thats how i look at it...


so i had been thinking about it.. i havent said it to anyone this year. i decided that this year on, im only gonna say if i mean it. therefore, i havent said it to anyone yet.

in my long long long hours of thinking i could come up with a list of people i wanted to really say sorry to.

1. family - well my mom's a super mom with all the meals ready whenevery i want, whatever i want. she even wakes up at 5am sometimes to make me coffee when i have finals.. she does my laundry without asking and well helps me clean the MESS of a room i have =).. my dad, he's always there. he's like my little financial calender and accountant. hehee.. i write the checks, and he deposits them or mails them in and well sometimes he even pays my bills for me =). if i ask for a binder, he'll buy me 10. hahaha... if i complain there's no chocolate one day, i'll have 3 packets the next. i've always gotten more than i asked for from him, even though he has struggled enough to give it to me. hmm my brother, i definitely dont give him enough credit for being the awesome brother that he is. he works SUPER hard at work... and still comes home and listens to me whine some most occasions. he's one of those "nice guys". he treats his girls like a LADY... and I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. he's been hurt and used before, but yet, he's a gentleman. i really respect that about him, because well we all know how hard it is find a good guy. my sister -- well she is pretty nice. listens to me whine, bitch, moan and what not - not only on this silly blog, but thru emails, voicemails, phone calls, online msgs, chat, and lol if i could, i would leave her text msgs as well. hahahaha..
she's always there to cheer me and tell me im awesome.

SO I ask for forgiveness if i have hurt any of my family members this year, and im sure i have.

lastly, im not trying to be all great and awesome, but i wanna also forgive and forget two things that happened to me in the past year:
1 - being cheated on by my bf of 4 years, having that girl be his fiance and them getting married within days. the details are in SEVERAL previous posts, what that was pretty drastic shock. although, he rescued me and flew me back when i was stranded at the airport. so since then ive tried my best to come to terms with what happened and forgive and forget it all. his wife is also suffering from multiple sclerosis, so ive been helping him out with medical stuff. so im glad, i can forgive and forget that -- i never thought it would be in me to do so.

2. - being stranded at the airport. lord knows u guys have heard about that several times. i want to forgive and forget that. i've spoken to the guy after this... we've talked about it and well EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO ONE REALLY REALLY SHITTY DECISION IN THEIR LIVES. this was his. i know ive made some really shitty decisions in my life that have affected other people poorly, so i had to let go.

ive also realized that its better to let go. im not saying right away.. geez me and my ex broke up in june of 2006, and its september of 2007 - and im finally TRYING to forgive and forget it. TRYING BEING THE KEYWORD. so u gotta be mad initially, cause if ure not, that will give the person the right to walk all over you any number of times. u gotta be mad, and u gotta keep ure space away from that person, but whenever ure ready to let go, u should. its not good for you to keep grudges for ever. when you hold a grudge for ever you tend to become bitter - no reason to be bitter. =).

so there's my micchami dukkadam to all, its a week late, but better now than never right? and atleast i TRUELY mean it this year.

metamorphosis....

its a ritual.... everytime a quater ends, and another begins - i take all the notes from the classes in the previous quater --> organize them into lovely binders by class and date and etc --> file them away in my tall ass blookshelf and make room for the new quater.

well this year i was a little lazy... hehe cause its the 3rd week of the new quater and i just did it. as i organized everything i found all my old albums from highschool and undergraduate years. i obviously flipped through them and WHOA influx of crazyyy memories.

this post isnt about the memories -- its about how ive changed over the years.

i remember loving earings when i was little.. then i got out of it.. and now im back into it. i love earings.
i remember HATING make up when i was high school -- i never put on make up until i was in college.. and now i do it almost every day. although, i dont have the perfect skin i used to have back in the teen years. can u believe it i went thru the teen years without a single pimple. fascinating eh? although i do love eye make up..
i used to be a tom boy up until well 4-5 years ago. hehehe.. yea my first skirt was bought by my sister when i was 16 - i never wore it. i used to HATE IT. then well obviously, i started getting into it because well -- actually i dont know why? hmmmm interesting.. but whatever..
definitely as i grew up, no matter how tom boyish i was in my dressing style - i was still fascinated by purses and shoes...

never can u have enough of those two!!

always had these phases i went in and out off.. it wasnt that i changed what i liked. always liked that stuff -- its just that i changed what i liked WHEN i liked it. its not like it was defined by my environment cause ud think id be a girly girl attending a all girls private school in india.. hahaha - quite the opposite actually.

its my own little metamorphosis.. weird how u can tell the changes when u look through years of photographs... i mean i'll try scan some of me back in the days when i was 10, 15, 18, etc... so u guys can see the difference. i probably wont, lol -- it was a good idea, but im well frankly, dont have time between school, work and the non-existant life with all the extra projects added onto the "if u want to graduate, u must complete this" claus.

so i wanna know what kinda phases have u guys been in and out of? what phase are you in now? were u consistent or kinda like me growing up??

jack and pooj went DOWN the hill???????

**********UPDATE**********
guys... this isnt LIKE what ure thinking. its A FUN small cute little hill. its soft and fluffy with grass.. geez. its not crazy that im tryign to kill my self. hahaha.

so this weekend was mighty eventful.....

on friday, i went up to visit some of my friends that i hadnt seen in forever... and well i hadnt been on campus in months as well. ahhh the campus where i spent 4 years doing extremely stupid things. one of many is .........................................................
rolling down the hill === now ure thinking hmm did she just say rolling down the hill?? yes yes, i did. as simple as it may be, u lay on one ure sides and ROLL down the hill = OMG, it super fun. now if its snow... u find a piece of wood (sled type thing) and sit on it and HANG ON tight and have somone push u down.. but in the spring, summer and fall - U ROLL down it sideways.

how do you make it a SPORT u might wonder? welllllll here's how....

i lived in the heart of campus, right across the quad, where such a hill that i mention of exists. the hill is just the perfect size, not too big, not toooo steep and has grass once it ends. it is very important for it to have grass on the bottom.. do not roll down a hill where there is gravel or pavement or concrete on the bottom (that would qualify under EXTREME HILL ROLLING). this i say because a) ive done it and its not pretty. u end up huge bruises and blisters and what not. b) its not very smart or safe, i obviously wasnt thinking. why would u willingly roll into gravel?????????????
lol, im not into extreme sports YET.. hahahaha. i know i know what ure thinking. why did i do it? well there was grass on the bottom, i just didnt think i'd keep rolling and GO into the gravel =(.

so on our way back from the all the bars we obviously passed this hill cause well i lived across from it. many nights i layed there with friends drunk staring into the stars and one fine day we had a not that smart idea of "rolling down the hill". since then we do it as a tradition and turned into a sport as in "who can roll down the hill the most times and NOT puke".
there are different classes you can compete within..
1. the drunk
2. the mighty drunk
3.the obliterated/TRASHED

i am a champion of all 3 classes!!!! BOO YA! ALTHOUGH, i almost lost my title in the trashed categories when my friend beat my score of 5 rolls, but i chugged 2 more beers, got trashed and regained my title by beating his score and rolling down 7 times. YEAA!!!!!!!

if not as a sport.. try it, it is SUPER fun... i promise. =)

oh this is my 4th 1st 50th post. ... how does one have 4 first 50th posts??? well i've had 4 different blogs guys...
first one was right here on blogspot.. called the "tales of the glorious globes" - open only to friends.
second was on xanga - a more private blog called "my adventures .. one day at a time" -- open only to intimate friends/sister
third one was here on blog spot... as chocolteluva, called the same as above after my sister persuaded me to go more public. =) im glad she did.

once random family and unknown creepy readers infilterated that blog, i abandoned it and moved HERE. .. to Xocolatl..... my bitter sweet memories. a title that does fit SO well. if u wanna know the meaning of my title click here!

so i hope my smart and huggable self has entertained you guys so far and i hope i keep doing it and dont have to move blogs FOREVER. hehehehe.. i hate moving things...

Will The Father !!!

****UPDATED*****
this post is in sections ---
WOMAN DOENST NEED A MAN....
no society should make a woman feel that way... inaddition what society and peer pressure makes a girl feel EXHILED if she doesnt have a bf????

all goes back to mine and keshi's posts.. mine single and happy -- oxymoron? and i think keshi's is linked within the post. did you know that it is illegal for an employer to ask you your marital status at an interview?
WHY???? cause if ure a women and ure married, it is more likely that u'll be pregnant and ask for a maternal leave. This is the kinda prejudice world we live in.

so why is that even though we live in the 21'st century, women is still looked to be defined as if she's with someone or not, cause obviously if she isnt with someone there's something WRONG with her.

i can babble about this here and shout it off the moutain tops, but people who are narrow minded will always remain as such. as sad as it is. im proud of the women i come across on the blog here - im proud to say that atleast all of us are strong and CAN STAND UP FOR OUR SELVES. atleast WE DONT DEFINE our selves by the presence or absence of a man.

so WHY HAVE I BEEN SILENT FOR THE PAST COUPLE DAYS???????

WELLLLLLL i fell down the stairs in my house and hurt my lady humps.... lol yess i hurt my buttocks and my back pretty bad. its just i cant sit for too long, my spine cant handle that much compression... but its getting better. =).... im feeling better as days pass by. although my brother is having a ball coming up with new jokes. i have fallen once before and that was 7 years ago, he still calls me "superwoman wanna be" ... god knows what name will stick after this one.

NEEDY???
so here i am talking to a guy friend, i had dated him a while ago... i mean this is like in undergrad, for a month. we've always been good friends after that .. so while leaving i say "omg, im soo glad u came out.. thanks for being there when i needed u".
he says "ohhh... its flattering and all but isnt it UNHEALTHY for you to need me like that"
HMM STOP THE FUCKING TRAFFIC??
get ure head out of ure ass, or im gonna have to pry it out. as soon as he said that.. i totally laughed out loud. i mean OUT LOUD and i said "geez, get a hold of ure self... i woulda said it to anyone, girl/guy whoever". he said that he just wanted to make sure i wasnt falling for him or anything. all i wanted to do was thank him cause he drove 50 miles to my house to hang out with me. usually we'd meet half way... but i cant drive too far, cause of my back and butt pain from the fall - and the reason i said the "needed you" part was cause i did 'NEED" a friend to go out and i was SUPER thankful that he agreed to drive out this far on a weekday. geez, thats the last time im nice enough to thank him for coming out with me. is it that bad for a girl to say "thanks for being there when i needed you" to a guy?????????????????????? or are men just this shallow??? or is it just MEN IN MY LIFE. loll

the title????
OH lol -- what does the title have anything to do with the POST? well my friend doesnt like to curse.. and we were sitting by kids one day studying.. and i was like MOTHER OF LORD.. and she wanted to say What the FUCK.. but didnt want to curse.. so she said
WILL THE FATHER... the initials are still WTF and pretty safe to use around kids and ure not cursing if ure one of those non cursers..
so since then its one our little 'inside jokes'. i use it when im EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED and no curse word will cover my feelings..... so instead of using 1000 curse words to say how i feel, i just say WILLL THE FATHER!!!
its one of those you had to be there things.. hehehehe

HMM SAY WHAT?

ok so here we go... this is why im starting to think ALL MEN ARE SCUM...
so mc.steamy -- yes mc. steamy -- ive never written about him, but he was my first omg i love him and his dreamy eyes and smile person. he was super hot, and every girl wanted him... ahhh. he was the hunk of the school.... hmmmm
yes, we dated in highschool and a little bit of undergrad, but of course i broke up with him when i realized he was cheating on me. so didnt talk to him much after that. 5 years later, about a year ago we patched up our old differences and decided to be "friends". now the word "friends" here means -- if i run into u in public, i wont spill whatever food item or beverage im holding in my hand on u or wont kick u in the nuts passing by. when i meant friends i meant, i'll be civilized to you should the occasion arise....
so in the past year, we've spoken about 3 to 4 times... and recently this summer he started coming online more often and msg'in me more often. so i said whatever, he's harmless, he's engaged ... almost married to the love of his life... and i was super happy for him.
so i asked him "ooo when's the wedding" and he said "oh about a month away, and this is gonna be my month of fun, away from the fiance"
and he kept hinting at this month of fun, so i figured ok -- lets ask him about it. i did... and he said he wanted to do "fun bachelor things..."

** A HUGE HONKING RED LIGHT GOES OFF IN MY HEAD .. SCREAMING DANGER DANGER DANGER** but im thinking, ok that was the old mc.steamy.. now he's more like a mc.safety. so i wrote it off as im the perverted one and i should give him the benefit of the doubt.

then he says "know anyone to have fun with? how about you? you dont even count cause we dated before, and well i wouldnt be lying to her if she even asks about anything, cause we dated before"

SAY WHAT? hmmm EXCUSE ME???? did you just --- MY THAT IS FORWARD. I DONT COUNT???????/
men of the world is that true???? if u've been with someone, half a decade later u be with them again, it doesnt count??
what if i was speaking sexually here? are you saying ure # doesnt go up again, well cause its the same women, and since ure # doesnt go up again, ITS OK CAUSE IT DOESNT COUNT in a manner of speaking? that is one TWISTED asss logic. women be sure to get the 'years' ure men have been with these so called "number" of women. cause it could be only 5 women, but the 5th one was yesterday... and uve been dating him for 2 months or geez even about to marry him.

here i was mad at me for not giving him the benefit of the doubt that he deserved. mc.safety my asss -- mc.creppy is more like it.
right i was. once a scumbag, always a scumbag. now now dont get me wrong.. HE'S A HOT PIECE OF ASS.. but a hot piece of scumbag ass!!! geez.

i left and i blocked him from my list. geeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, lol i think he got my answer right there.

well what they say is true "ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!"

i've always thought to my self.. lol this only happens in the movies or on TV. hmmmm perhaps me and my little adventures might be on the big screen one day... watch out for it. lol... cause weird ex's dont come back half a decade later with creepy proposals of sex before they are about to get married TO EVERYONE. geezzzz, glad i dumped him whenever i did.
this only happens in pooja's life.. hahahahahaha!!!!

the most awaited pictures

this is an ACUTAL WORKING clock.. fascinating isnt it???

Life style of the rich -- assholes.. a big house by the river and a f'in boat. i wanna be richhhh

me.... after not showering for 2 days... loved the sunset in the background, couldnt resist.

hanging in there

ooo i took this one for ya for aditi

Whats up DOC?

i dont know why, but i LOVE this picture

it was prettyyyyy

roughing it

since i had never been camping and that idea baffeled my friends -- they decided it was about time i "roughed it". so we celebrated my daddy's b'day on the wednesday and on thursday i left for camping...
i had lunch with a friend and left to go to rockford. now the original plan was to go to dekalb, but parts of dekalb were STILL flooded from the thunderstorm 2 weeks ago. so we didnt want to take a chance and get stuck passing thru those parts to the camp site. so we detoured about 30 miles..
since my friend had a late class on thursday, we decided to stay in rockford because u cant go the camp site after a certain time.. (weird, that i can stay there in the dark, but cant set up shop). we prepped for camping on thursday - went and got groceries like grahm crackers, chocolate, marshmellows, mini kegs, BREAD, alot more BREAD, burgers and hot dogs and well more beer and bread... hahaha
anyways... so we got there at like 7am on friday, which meant we woke up at 5:30 (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). got there, set up shop and by now it was 9'ish..
went for a hike and collected fire wood.
on our hike we found pretty water falls and such.. but stupid pooja forgot her camera in the purse, which she wasnt allowed to bring, cause WE WERE ROUGHING IT. no cellie, no credit cards no nothing. only one person got a cellphone in case of emergency. not like there were outlets to charge it or anything (hahahaha).

came back from the hike and we decided that pooja needed to learn how to swim (yes i dont know, and NO i was not part of the decision). so pooja was then thrown into the lake... lake with nasty water... fish and water snakes.. YIPEE FUCKING KAYEEE.
so not excited about that.. i decided to get out and chase 'em all... while i was running amock - i almost ran into a deer.. :(.
he was running one way, and i was running one way... it breaked and looked at me like WTF BITCH. i wanted to pet it, and it wanted to attack me. thanks D for saving me...
there were little bunnies everywhere too... and i ignored the rest of the animals so as to sleep in peace.

came back and oo guess what we ate.. same thing we had for breakfast and same thing we had for lunch -- burgers and hot dogs.. and more smores. hahaha cant get too creative when ure camping. i was bunking it with a guy .. since well i was there with 5 guys and 2 other girls, who well were girlfriends of the 2 of the 5 guys so naturally they bunked together. i chose the guy with the NICEST tent ;)....
haha he had a cushony sleeping bag too =D ...anyways, we left the fire on thru the night, even though it was a controlled camp site, its still the OUTDOORS and i was a little concerned.

so we also played games in the dark, i wasnt too hot about that.. running AMOCK in the woods in the DARK.. where the animals are at an advantage cause their eyes are made to adjust better than mine. shit, i wouldnt know until i was being eaten by a tiger that something attacked me. granted the possibility of a tiger being at the campsite was close to none - BUT U NEVER KNOW.

woke up and ooo ate burgers and hot dogs AGAIN... packed up and left. drove out.... and well since we started out in rockford, we thought we'd drive back there and visit the botanical gardens and the river walk and the park. before we got to the botanical gardens we had to stop by at my friends place.. cause I REFUSED TO POOP/PEE OR EVEN GO BY the OUT HOUSES. i opened the door and there was a huge spider on the inside and a snake right by it. HMM HELL FUCKING NO. so we stopped by at my friends for some toilet use. i wanted to shower, but they wouldnt let me :(. so i was still dirty, but oh well i guess. everyone stunk, so it wasnt bad.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG.. soooooooo prettyyyyyyy. there was a rose garden and ahhh... soo pretty. there were swan's and the sunset was phenominal. the houses are super cheap there, but still living on the river -- those people be RICH man. pictures follow, but lemme get thru talking first.. hahaha

so after the river walk and such.. totally poooped and decided to drive home. I MISSED MY BED. two nights of sleeping on the couch and then a sleeping bag.. i missed my lovely bed and real food. hahaha

ok ok ... here's a video of the pretty swans and ducks and geese in the lagoon which was slightly flooded in the botanical garden in rockford. the pretty sunset pictures are CLICK ME.

ok the picture upload thing is being a BITCH... so hmm i'll just post 'em later. just watch my boring video and well i'll share them later ;)

mind ure own

update: he wasnt hitting on me. he was disgusted that i was sweating soo much and was concerned about my sweating rate - therefore offered me a towel. he had never seen a woman WORK OUT FOR real perhaps.. hahaha. but yes, he was disgusted by my sweat rate. lol - i was actually quite proud.

so i went to work today... i usually work out. ok ok ok im lying, i start out strong like most and then fizzle out. but i attempt atleast 4 to 5 times a year... hahaha.
so back to point --

i went to work out today and since im on break i had all the time in the world. i did a warm up, and i did goooooooddd cardio work out. now when im working out, i had my IPOD blasting in my ears and sometimes its soo loud, i dont even know if im singing outloud.

so im working out.. busting it out on the eliptical.. listening to power music and all of a sudden i see someone saying stuff in my periphery. figured he was talkin to someone else, so i kept going and going. then he comes and taps my shoulder, i turned around almost taking his eye out. u dont sneak up on me, geez i grew up in BOMBAY BIATCH. (totally kidding there.. lol)

either way, i did turn around with a massively annoyed look, cause i was in my groove and he messed with it. i turn my IPOD down and be like "yea?" really pissed off. he says
"mam, would u like a towel, you seem to be sweating alot"

i looked at him and said NO! really annoyed.

STOP TRAFFIC here people and lets analyze this:
1. did you just interupt my workout - you never interupt someone's work out unless someone's dying and or ure name was etched onto the machine i was using.
2. you interupted my work out to ask me if i wanted a towel cause I WAS SWEATING ALOT???????????????????

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lets see IM IN A GYM - YOU WORK OUT IN A GYM -- GENERALLY it goes, if you work out, you sweat..
so i was doing what im supposed to be doing -- why ask me if i wanted a towel cause im "sweating alot"..
geez, was he concerned that i might sweat soo much as to flood the place? lol. geeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz, im not one of those ppl that go to the gym with make up on and cute little sports bra and tiny shorts and leave their hair down and shake their booty on the treadmil. I GO TO WORK OUT. may be he was surprised cause he never saw a girl sweat like that before.
the KEY here is INTERUPT my work out.

MIND URE OWN BUSINESS BIATCH!!!!!!!

i also hate it when ppl stare at you or wait on ure head for you to get done with the machine. hate it.. BACK THE HELL UP...
i also hate it when ppl come use the machine right next to you when u look and there's a 2 full rows of treadmils to use -- WHY did you come use the one NEXT TO ME? feeling lonely? get a pet, they're good to run with too.

excuse my rant, i was just quite annoyed, cause the kid kept staring at me the whole 2 hours i was there -- cause i was sweating. but it does bring up a good topic, "mind ure own business eh?"

red

so they say mars is the closest it's gonna be for a LONG time and the last time it was this close was then the neatherdals roamed the earth.... which was a LONNNNGGG ASSS TIME AGO.

figured, since i wont be alive to see it again, i looked for the red star per say.. and there it was..
shining bright in the sky. quite pretty might i add....
i tried to take pictures :( but my camera doesnt zoom that much and all the pictures ended up being a black sky.

but i encourage all of you to try see it.

MARS <---- click here. it kinda tells you how to find it and how long it'll be visible for and blah blah.. kinda cool.

thats all folks.. happy monday!!!

love is...

i used to do this on my old blog... so here i continue it. i think it was much needed for me... to remind me what LOVE really is. between the mess that is going on i needed something to pick me up.. so what is love??

well i cant capture it one post -- DUH!!! but here's a little fragment of what love is to me this week =)..

love is between a family and your heritage

him caring about you... even if its something little like putting on a blankie

making someone smile, by doing soemthing as simple as a card or a little NOTE you slip in before leaving

when someone CARES to remember and make it special. the smallest jester can bring much joy.

i dont talk much about the war and the troops, but well love is what the leave behind or what they have to look forward to -- what they FIGHT for

TRUST.

very glad i grew up with my grandparents, always got me out of trouble with dad =).

when a tough guy is willing to let his guard down for his lady. when he shows his true self

is not only amongst the living, but in remembering those that have gone far away and the legacy they left behind.

lastly, love is MUTUAL respect. love is EQUAL!

the good, the bad and the ugly

well folks the dreaded finals week is over. you know i never realized the classic "final" week descriptions were TRUE until this quater. usually, im prepared or well most times the case is that i dont care enough to put my self thru the lack of sleep and blah blah. i coasted thru undergraduate college studying in the day and VALUING my sleep more than staying up and studying that one last chapter.
haha i always said to my self "i need 8 hours of sleep to consolidate this learned information in my brain.. any more and i'll forget what i learned"... im good at convincing my self at things like that. grad school, obviously a different pace, although i still never cared enough to deprive my self of sleep.

hmm so this past week was horrendous might u say. here's the good, the bad, and well sadly, the ugly is REALLY ugly here. brace ure selves -- its a long ride.. AND SORRY, im starting with the ugly.

sunday night i find out from a friend that a girl was stabbed to death by her boyfriend 2 blocks from where she lives. as drastic as that sounded to me, she then tells me that it was a girl WE KNEW. that send chills down my spine and my entire body. it was a girl from my very own school, someone i took classes with. she had completed her masters in biomedical sciences and was accepted into med school.
now ive always preached about abusive relationships... i know THEY are hard to get out of. i know it. ive been there. ive been the victim of thinking "he's got a good heart, i know it, he'll change". you always want to assume that people are good inherently...

NO NO NO.. sometimes, sadly thru experience i have learned, that some PEOPLE JUST ARENT GOOD. no matter how much you want to believe it, some people just arent. its human nature to want to change the bad into good -- its a girl thing. we always date the "wild boys" , the "bad boys" and try change them into "good" -- we like that credit. i dont know why -- i know many girls right now that are in an abusive relationship

GET OUT!!!... even if its emotionally abusive. you never know what that person will snap. you would rather have your grandparents find you in a pool of ure own blood in the morning when they came to pick u up for breakfast????? thats how the girl was found. i know pretty graphic, but sometimes it takes that for people to realize - get out before its too late. you always think it wont happen to you, but the people that die, they too were average school going people. she was just another girl, from surbubia. just another bitter college student with alot of loans, trying to make a career. she was just another me... another you... another any one of us.

dont ever think it wont happen to you -- because YOU NEVER KNOW. trust me!! this hit home and hit home pretty clear. i am glad i got out of the crappy relationship i was in a year ago. i know its hard to walk away, but at the end of it all, you're better because u did. well mostly cause ure still breathing, and a strong woman for walking away.

sorry - i feel very passionate about this. especially, since somone i know is now not breathing. its quite hard to imagine that.. and mostly i tried my best to not do it, because i didnt want to deal with it. however, important you think that guy is, he really isnt.

phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
now on a more lighter note -- from saturday until 10am wednesday, i have slept a maximum of 14 hours. hmmmmm 3 days - 14 hours... :( not looking good. on tu
every day i went to bed after midnight and woke up around 4:30am. i got me 24oz of coffee and breakfast, studied before the exam, took the exam and went and studied for the next days exam.

the lack of sleep caught up to me and my friends. on tuesday, the attempt of studying for my last final was failed. on tuesday -- this is how sad it was...

• i couldnt form sentences
• i was soo tired i was falling over and tripping over things
• my eyes were watering involuntarily
• my arms and legs were just BLAH
• i was taking REDDI WHIP SHOTS for SUGAR HIGH
• i was crashing ever 20 minutes
• if i wasnt talking, i was napping
• i was shaking, twitching, and acting like a crack addict. LOL

thats the BAD. i have never put in this much effort of waking up before sunrise and studying before a test. all those finals things ppl say - YUP TRUE. i ate like crap - finding whatever food high in sugar to keep me up. i was up drinking mountain dew, coffee with shots of expresso and well reddi whip. hahaha..

here's the GOOD -- IM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!! this was my second to last academic quater on campus. i have ONE MORE TO GO and then i'll be out on rotations practicing and graduating in MAY OF 2008.. only 273 more days to go.

so be careful, stay safe and stay confident most of all. i think my life's goal is to NEVER make a decision that doesnt MAKE me happy directly or indirectly, because well - i have only one life to live and only oh so many years to have alot of fun in before responsibilities really set in.. so WELL ITS OK FOR ME TO BE SELFISH..

formaldehyde

Formaldehyde based solutions are used in embalming to disinfect and temporarily preserve human remains pending final disposition.
for further information - refer lovely wikipedia.com =)...

so why am i telling you whats used in embalming cadavers? well we also squirt it all over the lovely cadavers to keep them usable all the time. i mean in our lab its called the "life" juice or "fountain of youth" ..

so today is the last time i went into anatomy lab to study before my final tomorrow. wow, last time i'll EVER take anatomy. YAY!!!!!!

here's my lovely bloopers:
so over the years of being in anatomy lab, one thing you learn is how to adjust things without touching your body. the scrubs you wear in, touch the formaldehyde, touch the cadavers skin, fat, muscles, organs. sometimes if too much formaldehyde is squirted on there, it splashes back at you, blah blah blah...
so like i said, you make sure your gloves done come in contact with ure face, hair, or rest of body. so how do you fix a bra strap falling? or hair in ure face? or a yes wedgie or if ure pants are falling and you can see ure undies??
all PRACTICAL PROBLEMS that you come across.. well duh silly ... its called the
anatomy dance off!!!
hahahahaha its the one butt cheek dance for the wedgie
the raise ure elbows and swing at 'em dance for the bra strap
shimmie down the wall corner to fix the falling pants and undies situation
blow at 'em face for blowing away the hair in ure face or shake it off dance to move all the hair in the back...

when u put it all together, its hilarious!!!!! something me and my friends came up with over time.

so here's the funny anatomy story, you guys might not even find it funny cause it might end up with one of those "gotta be there" kinda things, but whatever -
so we're studying anatomy as usual, im all serious, talking about the hip joint and trying to find a ligament.. all of a sudden my friends SLAPS ... OH YES
SLAPS MY HAND WITH THE CADAVERS EXPOSED RECTUS FEMORIS (part of your quads in the thigh)
i looked up like wtf just slapped my hand, it looked human --- i was soo confused because i knew where her hands were. she was on the other side of the table, i couldnt figure out how she could slap me.
omg -- then she slaps my hand with the exposed SARTORIUS...
oh lord.. i was sooo confused, then i figured out that my friend was using random cadaver muscles to slap my hand.
we laughed for about 10 minutes... obviously people starred at us like we were idiots, but hey, we had a good laugh.

wish me luck..

ohhh just an FYI: formaldehyde, something that smells soo pungent and put on cadavers so you would never think so - but IS ACTUALLY AN APPETITE STIMULANT. yesss... did you ever think when you smelled a nasty ass stinky cadaver that almost makes you puke, it would also make you want to eat??????

60 years..

JAI HIND....
i was trying to tell my friends about how why i get all rattled up about terrorism or when somene says something about india and poverty or its population or pollution or whatever. i was trying my hardest to explain, why i got teary eyed when i heard songs from border or bagat singh.
i was trying and trying.. i even told them about lagaan and how i was at the edge of my seat the whole time. i told them about sarfarosh, and now i get all worked up when i hear that one song "sarforshi ke.. something something" .. i tried telling them about incidents like jalliya walla baag and leading revolutionists like bagat singh and subhash chndra bosh. i tried explaining to them what the meaning of the 3 different colors and the wheel on the flag really stands for. i tried.. and they GOT THE FACTS.

they understood that the british ruled over us for over 250 years.. they understood the basic meaning of the TRIANGA and the chakra, they understood the revolution and the partition.

WHAT THEY NEVER WILL EVER UNDERSTAND IS -- why i get teary eyed and ratteled up. why i wanna jump up and fight and argue everytime someone says something about india and how its not a great country. they will never understand my sentiments and my feelings towards my country. they didnt grow up with grandparents who lived in a world ruled by the british or parents who lived through live fire during wars with pakistan. they didnt grow up with terrorism and riots, they didnt grow up with the architecture and the stories.

i cant say its cause they didnt grow up in india, because ure indian no matter whether you grew up in india or not. yes, their sentiments might not be as strong as mine, but they are still there.

they will never understand it because THEY AREN'T indian. they all grew up in a already free america, where freedom wasnt valued, but rather taken granted for. yes, we do also take our freedom for granted, but well we have the constant terrorisms and wars to remind us what it really means to be free.

i am most proud to be indian and have grown up there. i am not one to brag about how proud i am or anything.. but lately ive been hearing alot about how india is just not good. after 60 years - its still poor and the population and corruption and blah blah blah..

yesss.. its got all this, but dear lord.. remember the GREAT depression in america??? lasted for yearss.. people died...economy plumetted blah blah. that was only couple decades after their independence. america only got its rise in income because of the WWI and WWII. we were still fighting for our independence then....

so yes.. i am proud to be an indian. infact, even though im an american citizen, i count my self as indian first and an american later. i barely count my self as an american infact. i was born and raised in india ;)!

so JAI HIND!!!

retail therapy...

well ive been putting in ALOT of work at school, working and tutoring. ive also had extra stress put into my life by ex-friends and ex-boyfriends recently.. just unwanted drama -- i thought it was ABOUT TIME I TREATED MY SELF..

so i had been eyeing this red Aldo bag for this whole quarter, since mid June. i finally bought and lucky me it was also on sale..

yipeeee.. and i also treated myself to a nice lunch at olive garden. it was a nice lovely afternoon spend with some good friends.. A mucchhh needed afternoon.

so here's my retail therapy

ahh yes.... my new precious... =)

just when you think its a PLAIN red purse, whats so special about that, i surprise you with my inner wild side ;)

and oh yes, ure eyes are right.. that's LEOPARD print interior details my friends. mama likes it, likes it a lot. subtlety is has its own sexiness.

my retail therapy went well and my cousins raksha bandhan money bought it for me ;)... love being a sister!!!

magnified...

after reading my sister's post the other day, i got to thinking and thinking hard. lol infact i got to such hard thinking that i neglected my homework (alright that was a bad excuse for not doing my hw, but i was thinking hard).

i thought about how my life would be portrayed if i was a public figure. it wasnt only my sister's post that got me thinking about this. recently abc family is promoting their new movie on princess diana and her 'LAST DAYS' .. and they keep playing that commercial where they ask questions like "did she really loves prince charles" "was there another man" "what happened... "

blah blah blah.. i mean she was just another married woman whose husband was far too busy to pay any attention to her. so may be she did involve her self into something else like charity and doing good for others. FOCUS ON THAT EH?? is charity and good that boring that you have to find a "SELLING' story in anyone's life?

what about president clinton??? how many husbands are actually faithful??? haha a counted few. everyone cheats, today's world is a cheating world. may it be sexually or on a test or in some national treaty or raging war on innocent nations. im not condoning his behavior in any shape or form. im just saying, if he wasnt the president, would it be on the news?
is cheating A NEWS TOPIC??? so why did america focus soo much on him and make it such a big deal. he was almost impeached!!!! did his sexual activities affect his decision making skill ?? i doubt it.

i mean geez -- put my life on there.. lets see there can be two versions -an inspirational and a drama and gossip filled one. its always like that... you can either focus on the good of a person or the bad --- its pretty hard to cover BOTH and cover them objectively.

personally ive been batteling with this topic forever. why as humans do we tend to focus on the bad. i have made it my agenda to always think of all the good things the person has done for me when something REALLY bad happens. although, then i try to forgive the person too easily thinking, ohhh he's done soo much good, this i guess is not that bad (even though it is). so where is there a line?
is there a line? can we as humans be objective?

you think making a PROS and CONS chart is too teenie booper??? no no no no its actually i think by far the most objective way to make a relationship decision a girl/guy came up with. this way, all the good and all the bad is laid out. sometimes, objective "data" is needed because girls tend to over look certain things that lead to emotionally, physically or mentally abusive and draning relationships. i guess a guy can use it too, to prevent a gold digging, manipulative b@*&#.

but then comes the thought of if pros and cons and only objective data is taken in consideration, the measure of OUR FEELINGS, something soo subjective is left out. oh lord, there isnt a win win situation is there??

so first of all, what if ure life was put under the microscope??? what if u were followed and then a movie was made out of ure life... what would it be like? a thriller? inspiration?? drama? romance?? sultry?? anyone's life can go in all of these categories, i know mine can be anyone of these.. but WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO BE????

second of all... what do u think about the objective --subjective thingie..

ever flowring river..

well the ever flowing river that has originated due to the floods in my sinuses that are overflowing into the nasal cavity. it is coursing inferiorly thru the nasal vestibule and out passing by the philtrum. the gravitational pull working its magic..

i hate nasal leakage.. LOL!! sounds gross..
its just a runny nose, which is also accompanied by the sniffles, coughing, sneezing and well teary eyes, general fatigue and that lovely BLAH feeling.

so ive come to the conclusion that this is a blog bourne infection... keshi spread it to my sister and she obviously gave it to me.

i curse you thy sister.... i curse you. ok ok not really, but theatrics is what i do best.

as i sit here typing away, i realized that i havent moved from this room since about 9am this morning. it is currently 11pm. i did however move from this position around 4pm and went to the couch, and then returned back around 6'ish. i went to the kitchen to get some food and returned RIGHT bak here. WHATTTT im sicckkkkkkk. im not supposed to move. i have everything i would ever need right here.

1. T.V with cable and remote
2. access to DVD and am/fm radio thru surround sound
3. DVD already strategically placed in the DVD player ;) .. i know im smart
4. my lappie - with wifi, movies and music :0)
5. my books to study from
6. my glasses
7. kleenex.. its the puffs with lotion so it wont gimme a nose rash :)
8. my cellie
9. all my office supplies
10. awesome comfy
11. i have access to a fully stored kitchen.
12. and oh yea... DRUGS... gotta have ure meds!!

what else coulda gal need .....

hopefully i feel better ASAP, i have a full week ahead..