ok so omg.. listen up here.. if you dont already know or are still on the edge about my life being like a soap opera, this one here will definitely confirm it.
so my ex, u know the one from a year and half ago -- well before i continue with this, i have to do a quick recap
1. i was MADLY in love with him, wanted to marry him
2. we dated for almost 4 years..
2. he was the only that ever gave me butterflies every time he touched me -- even after all those years of dating him.. the butterflies were always there.
3. he did dump me, got engaged to some chick from saudi arabia within 2 months and married her soon there after
so we did manage to stay friends over this whole time, because he did rescue me from that fiasco in houston. flew me out, and paid for all the tickets and all. his wife has always been in a different country and him in a different country. he calls me the other day and says
NOW NOW.. BRACE URE SELVES....
"HEY, I DIVORCED MY WIFE, ACTUALLY ANNULED OUR NON-EXISTANT MARRIAGE." he continues to say that the marriage was only to please his parents and was only on paper. he never touched her, never slept in the same bed. i know for a fact that they were never even in the same country. he then says actually, they were only considered married in saudi arabia under the muslim religion, they weren't even legally married under the court."
and im like "hmmmmmmmmmmmm......."
and he says "i love you, always have loved you, i have never forgotten about you. im sorry i did this to you, but when u said no... blah blah blah".
well side bar real quick
we're both of two completely two different religions.. he's muslim and well im jain. his parents found out about us dating 4 months before we broke up. so ergo the "chat mangni, pat biha" thing (quick engagement and a hurried marriage). i knew all along that he was breaking up with me to marry her. he actually had asked to marry me the day we broke up - but i said NO. i wasnt ready for a marriage then. i mean i was just ending my first year of grad school. i didnt wanna tell my parents, figured they wouldnt approve of it either. i didnt wanna run away... and i was only 22. i didnt want a marriage so hurried and forced like that u know? so we broke up, and to please his parents he decided to marry HER, somone he saw the day he got married and somene he never saw again. weird huh?
right this second my heart is pounding.. pounding because one side its thinking hes back, my love, he's here.. omg he's here. the other side its thinking oh shit, he's here, i dont want him back, asshole, i said no and he runs away... blah blah
im fighting with my self the whole time he's telling me all this stuff. i just didnt know what to do..
i mean yea technically i count what he did as "cheating". even though he broke up with me.. he cheated me of the future i shoulda had with him... he went and married some stupid bimbo because she was muslim to please his parents. although, i did say no to him because i didnt wanna disappoint my parents, almost he same reason he married that bimbo.. so then arent we ALIKE? just two different ways...
its times like these i dont know what to do..
he wants to start being good friends and getting together again and he said.. eventually he'd like us to start dating and be together again. he already told his parents that he annuled that marriage for me, that he's in love with me and all... currently he's not on speaking terms with his parents.
should i be friends with him again? like really let him get close to me again??? should i give him a chance?? or should i just say NO and walk away. i havent dated a sole since i broke up with him, yea went on stupid dates here and there. no one got a second date from me but two people, and those two were forced second dates. i did madly love this guy and he's the only one that ever gave me butterflies..
i am HONESTLY asking for real advice here. so i dont know... what should i do? if i do seriously give this guy a chance, it would be FOREVER kinda chance. i dont think my parents would like it - actually i think they'd be super disappointed in me. but should i live for my parents? i mean he did - he went and married someone in a different country to keep them happy - he was miserable.
guys im super torn here..... i told him i needed time to think and time to figure somethings out. when we were together, we barely fought, he was my sanity and even after we broke up - he was there for me. i know im being redundant, and probably not making sense here. its hard to find a guy who loves you for you. he was one of those that thought i was pretty without make up and with morning breathe, horrible hungover and a mess of hair. hehe.. he was the only one who tolerated all my stupid temper tantrums - that even my family has a time dealing with.
but he did leave me. so i dont know.. i need a third rational party to tell me wats up. is it practical to go after love or should i just stay rational and logical and unforgiving. how big of a mistake is TOO big to forgive? is this TOO big?
sorry for the ramble
12 comments:
I thought he got married to her while he was still with you. I thought u figured it out by hacking into his computer. Werent u the one that contacted his wife in saudi and come up with a plan to prove he was cheating on her wiht u or u with her?
Wasnt he also the one that stayed extra days in saudi to get married and then tell u he had a rough time in mecca?
Do what you think is right for you, just remember to think it through
oh, after reading aditi's comment, there seems to be a whole lotta complications! my opinion -cum-advice might sound biased, but i no longer trust men who say "i love you" coz they never do. of course there are very rare exceptions.
but this thing just struck me instantly and i must tell this to u. it cud be quite possible that (now im being practical and getting into the mind of a manipulative being) if u do go back to the good ol' days, things might not be the same.
secondly, guys know when a girl has slipped for him or is head over heels in love with him. so they might be at a vantage point over u in emotional terms. also, (this is how it appears to me), he asked you out, you say yes (hypothetically) and (maybe just maybe) he might not have the same kinda respect for you...(yes logic is non-existent over here)
im not the best person to advice, but i know for a fact that wen ure under that magical spell of love, emotions wipe out a good amount of rationality from the brain. im glad you're still thinking clearly! :)
i dont know the guy and my being cynical is not right, but im just an outsider looking in!
good luck!
oh how i love giving advice! :P
I was not meaning to comment here at all but when I saw you were wanting some outside help, I thought I would express my two cents. However, girl, it should come down from your heart and not immediate reaction because you think the fella is out there for the grabs and again no emotional or feel good decisions should be taken.
I read the post again with intent(instead of reading two lines at a time) and I see the fella has bullshitted by saying he married someone coz his parents said it. Remember since you asked for it I am going to very very honest.
Now, how do you see such a thing not happening to you in the future? Coz the fella just annaled the marriage in less than 2 months and how different your wedding, if you marry him, be different? 3-4 months divorce is pretty much on the cards. When he wanted to do away from your relationship, he wanted to do away and obviously marrying the girl in Saudi was a big mistake. And I see what you have written and I don't think I will trust him. For all you know the bimbo in Saudi did not know how to do things and compatibility issues and that pissed him big time now he is back to a situation where he cannot find a girl for himself and he spots a soft target in you. COMFORT Zone. Get outa that. You will find many good partners if you make a sincere effort. However if you know what he says is truth then you can back your instincts and follow him else dump him and then if you cannot do that too, then keep in the suspicion zone to evaluate and figure out what he needs or what his motive is. I will never trust any Muslims, in particular, you never know their intent and motivation. So there you go, he has been in Saudi too for some reason and gotten married and dumped her and you are a Citizen in the US, zipper, think for a minute on the extreme front if the fella has some ulterior motive and intent. Nothing wrong to thing that way as well.
Now coming back to the main point, he says he loves you again and wants to start over again is it? If you are so mad for him, talk to him and your parents too and decide what your heart feels good and right. Because everyone has their own ways of expressing opinions and that may not be right so we could actually be misleading you. My sincere advice to you would be not to rush in and see the bubble burst again - for whose ever fault. Don't trust him, back your instincts, talk to him, talk to your folks and when you sleep think about the Liz Phair's song "Why Can't I". If that is how you feel about him strongly, then you back yourself and go for him sweetheart.
However, there are always people who fall a victim to the scheme of things, so he might be one of them who got into a marriage with an absolute jerk. Also possible. So there you go, i leave this now to you to figure out for yourself what you want to do. Don't think you would not fall in love again, won't find a person of better attributes, can't find anyone to listen. These are not the attributes for picking love. You are in the zone and thinking would it be easy to go for something that already exists. :=)
"Life is a big ocean and fishes aplenty".. Oh in the high note, just want to remind you that I am the most eligible bachelor here ;)Take it easy and let us know what you decided.
Listen to this song as well
"Timbaland - Presents Shock Value - Apologize ft One Republic"
[Lyrics : http://www.metrolyrics.com/apologize-lyrics-timbaland.html]
Pooja girl is this for REAL??????????????????????????
Keshi.
Im still recovering from the trauma/shock of this post...shall be bak to advice u when Im well!! Let me know if this is for REAL tho!
Keshi.
k recovered. I read all the other comments here too. And Choco sweetie this is what I hv to say...
He married someone else just to please his parents...in that process he broke ur heart w.o. thinking twice abt what u 2 shared. Now what u 2 shared...was it really love? On ur part, I know it was. but did he really love u? I dun think any many who seriously knows what love is dumps his GF of many years and goes an marries some other woman just to please his family. Anybody who does that is a top FAKER.
Im sorry to say this but Im not gonna be on the safe side here and say it's for u to decide. While it is eventually for u to decide, Im gonna be pretty frank abt my opinion on this guy. He's a CHEATER. Once a cheater he'll always be!
Keshi.
**any man
one more thing Choco...RUN BABY RUN!
Keshi.
I also wanted to say that if I sound too quick to judge, well thats cos my ex-BF did the same...went n married his parents' choice when I thought we shared something special for few years...looks like I was the only one thinking that way!
Some men can be opportunistic bastards. Dun give in to such ppl Choco. He made a mistake...let him deal with that himself. U dun hv to be so forgiving that u forget what he did to u. My point is he can do the same thing again to ya. Besides, it's not like u cant find another man who'll truly love u for who u r and not cos his parents agreed with ya!
Im so with Vik on this one...wut r the chances that he wont do this to u again?
Keshi.
Look swtheart and to all else who read my comments...i wasnt being judgemental.. i was simply asking questions i had to clarify things in case there was a misunderstanding in my understanding.
I do mean what I say whole heartedly.. we can give u advice up the wazoooo but ultimately its your life, your decision and you who will face the consequences of the decision. You have to make this decision all we can do is stand in the sidelines and fully support you in whatever it is you choose.
I will support you, and I know so will Lalz.
Besides hun, are you really looking to make a decision or looking for a vindication of the decision you already make.. someone to give u the reasons that make it ok?
Think it through.. and you're right I am not going to be easy on him. I will accept your decision and eventually accept him but to repeat what you said, "I will be watching, and one mistake, one tear frm my sister's eyes and I will be on him so hard he wont know what hit him, and it wont just be me, it will be Lalz too"
Just make sure whatever u decide even if it is to be friends, he has made all the mistakes he is allowed to make for a long time to come...
I said what I did in the previous comment because I find that most ppl tell you what they think is best for you.. doesnt mean you yourself think its best for you.. so ultimately u gotta decide...
I have reservations abt this, but I trust your instincts and your decision.. its YOUR decision..
and besides when have i not supported you on your decisions and escapades? I dont take part in some of the insanity but I do support dont I?
I have checked this spot 2 times since morning and I wonder what you thinking about the whole thingy. Relax about the whole issue and don't think about this for 2 days - and then decide keeping in mind what your folks best have in your mind and then be a free bird. I hope you are OK now.
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