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thank you everyone for ure HONEST input. honesty is basically the best policy in situations like such.
i was at a major shock when i did first hear and realize the depth of this situation. obviously i have given much much thought to it, and weighed in ure comments and thoughts, my friends who have observed us together and apart, and most importantly my feelings.

first i mostly wanna say thanks aditi - for standing by me for any decision i make. that means alot. i htink i was looking for verification mostly from YOU just in case i make a decision to give him a chance and go back to him. obviously ure approval and such means alot to me.

next i wanna thank vik for being very honest and very helpful and mostly rational. and checking up to see if i was ok =). this is one topic that drives alot of passion from those people that have burned before. if this was another person experiencing ths, i woulda said the same thing keshi said. thanks guys, its very important to sometimes just be the strong person and say HMM I DONT THINK SO. once a cheater, always a cheater is something ive believed strongly. its not only true for men, but also for women. thanks trinnie.. yes when u are under tha magical spell of love - things just happen to be different. thank you for ure rational comment as well...

i did weigh in all the BAD and all the good that was between us. i however, do not weigh in any of the religious problems between us while making this decision. i think the biggest thing is trying to make it work between us, cause yes that is a problem but not a problem in my decision. i believe that A PERSON IS GOOD, PPL ARE BAD.
so i will never generalize and say muslims this and that... being muslim is just a part of him, not all of him.

so whats my decision... lol i know ure dying to know.
here it goes:

i told him you cant just waltz back in my life and expect us to pick up where we left off. you made alot of mistakes, big mistakes that left me hurt alot. i was broken and i picked up the pieces of my heart that you broke. my friends and famliy helped me, but u didnt once think about me and my feelings when u make selfish decisions. i partly understand why u had to make those decisions, because if my dying dad asked me to marry someone - i dont know what i woulda done ... i dont know if i coulda disappointed my dad by saying no, its my life.
but, i also told him that i couldnt just plunge into something because i DO NOT TRUST HIM.
i also said that we could just be DISTANT friends like we are right now and keep it at that. i am not ready to have extra drama, extra baggage and extra anything. most of all that he cant just waltz in here expecting me to commit just cause im not dating anyone when he's made very selfish decisions.

i did say if he wishes he can try and earn my trust back, but that doesnt mean that i'll give him a chance. it also didnt mean that i'll wait for him or that i wont date anyone. i said it was my time to be selfish and my time to do whatever i wanted.
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it is pretty easy to give advice to someone on what the RIGHT thing to do is, because when watching from the outside in, the RIGHT thing is apparant. its obvious and its right there smacking in u in the face and u feel like that omg, how could u not see it. although, its very very very difficult being the person making that decision. it was hard for me not cause i cant live without him, its not that i wont be able to fall in love again or i wont find someone else or any of that stuff.

its that i can live without him, been doing it for over a year. i am happy with being single. i REALLY am. i am content in my life and its actually nice to not have drama. its that i wanted to live WITH HIM for soooooo long, that all those memories came back and that little hope of my dreams coming true came back as well. its that i am happy without him around and content, that when i was with him I WAS ALWAYS ECSTATIC. its that i wasnt just content, i was more than that.

yes i did make my decisions to inherently protect my self from getting hurt again and protect my self from him fucking up again and further hurting me. although, sometimes you cant just make decisions with ure BRAIN. so i left an open window for him to try make it up to me - to make sure i dont close anything. just in case. im a person who always hangs on WHAT IF'S.
i want to make sure i leave this open because two/three years down the road i dont want to sit here and wonder, what if. because that will stop me from liking someone else.

i also think whatever happens, happens for a reason. may be this is a test of my belief's... may be this is to show me how wrong he is, or how right he is. may be this is to let me know MOVE ON, or stay - i dont know... but in time we'll know. i also think that if two people are meant to be, they'll be together somehow .. someway.
so im gonna leave it as us being DISTANT friends.... i wont put my self in a situation where the direct result is GETTING HURT. if we're really meant to be together -- then u know what we may be or better yet may be i'll FIND SOMEONE EVEN MORE WONDERFUL AND BETTER ..... who knows.

so for now..... distant friends and thats it. oh yea what you mean by distant friends. it basically means that we speak to each other once or twice every season via email or something. calls are only made if ure dying or i guess having another annulment (bad joke .. hahha). oh and personal meetings are only when mutual friends invite us both to a b'day party or something like that. even then we barely speak to each other. just a quick clarification...

thank you SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for ure honest opinions. i really do appreciate it.