torn

ok so omg.. listen up here.. if you dont already know or are still on the edge about my life being like a soap opera, this one here will definitely confirm it.
so my ex, u know the one from a year and half ago -- well before i continue with this, i have to do a quick recap
1. i was MADLY in love with him, wanted to marry him
2. we dated for almost 4 years..
2. he was the only that ever gave me butterflies every time he touched me -- even after all those years of dating him.. the butterflies were always there.
3. he did dump me, got engaged to some chick from saudi arabia within 2 months and married her soon there after

so we did manage to stay friends over this whole time, because he did rescue me from that fiasco in houston. flew me out, and paid for all the tickets and all. his wife has always been in a different country and him in a different country. he calls me the other day and says

NOW NOW.. BRACE URE SELVES....

"HEY, I DIVORCED MY WIFE, ACTUALLY ANNULED OUR NON-EXISTANT MARRIAGE." he continues to say that the marriage was only to please his parents and was only on paper. he never touched her, never slept in the same bed. i know for a fact that they were never even in the same country. he then says actually, they were only considered married in saudi arabia under the muslim religion, they weren't even legally married under the court."

and im like "hmmmmmmmmmmmm......."

and he says "i love you, always have loved you, i have never forgotten about you. im sorry i did this to you, but when u said no... blah blah blah".

well side bar real quick
we're both of two completely two different religions.. he's muslim and well im jain. his parents found out about us dating 4 months before we broke up. so ergo the "chat mangni, pat biha" thing (quick engagement and a hurried marriage). i knew all along that he was breaking up with me to marry her. he actually had asked to marry me the day we broke up - but i said NO. i wasnt ready for a marriage then. i mean i was just ending my first year of grad school. i didnt wanna tell my parents, figured they wouldnt approve of it either. i didnt wanna run away... and i was only 22. i didnt want a marriage so hurried and forced like that u know? so we broke up, and to please his parents he decided to marry HER, somone he saw the day he got married and somene he never saw again. weird huh?

right this second my heart is pounding.. pounding because one side its thinking hes back, my love, he's here.. omg he's here. the other side its thinking oh shit, he's here, i dont want him back, asshole, i said no and he runs away... blah blah

im fighting with my self the whole time he's telling me all this stuff. i just didnt know what to do..
i mean yea technically i count what he did as "cheating". even though he broke up with me.. he cheated me of the future i shoulda had with him... he went and married some stupid bimbo because she was muslim to please his parents. although, i did say no to him because i didnt wanna disappoint my parents, almost he same reason he married that bimbo.. so then arent we ALIKE? just two different ways...

its times like these i dont know what to do..

he wants to start being good friends and getting together again and he said.. eventually he'd like us to start dating and be together again. he already told his parents that he annuled that marriage for me, that he's in love with me and all... currently he's not on speaking terms with his parents.

should i be friends with him again? like really let him get close to me again??? should i give him a chance?? or should i just say NO and walk away. i havent dated a sole since i broke up with him, yea went on stupid dates here and there. no one got a second date from me but two people, and those two were forced second dates. i did madly love this guy and he's the only one that ever gave me butterflies..

i am HONESTLY asking for real advice here. so i dont know... what should i do? if i do seriously give this guy a chance, it would be FOREVER kinda chance. i dont think my parents would like it - actually i think they'd be super disappointed in me. but should i live for my parents? i mean he did - he went and married someone in a different country to keep them happy - he was miserable.

guys im super torn here..... i told him i needed time to think and time to figure somethings out. when we were together, we barely fought, he was my sanity and even after we broke up - he was there for me. i know im being redundant, and probably not making sense here. its hard to find a guy who loves you for you. he was one of those that thought i was pretty without make up and with morning breathe, horrible hungover and a mess of hair. hehe.. he was the only one who tolerated all my stupid temper tantrums - that even my family has a time dealing with.

but he did leave me. so i dont know.. i need a third rational party to tell me wats up. is it practical to go after love or should i just stay rational and logical and unforgiving. how big of a mistake is TOO big to forgive? is this TOO big?

sorry for the ramble

magnified...

after reading my sister's post the other day, i got to thinking and thinking hard. lol infact i got to such hard thinking that i neglected my homework (alright that was a bad excuse for not doing my hw, but i was thinking hard).

i thought about how my life would be portrayed if i was a public figure. it wasnt only my sister's post that got me thinking about this. recently abc family is promoting their new movie on princess diana and her 'LAST DAYS' .. and they keep playing that commercial where they ask questions like "did she really loves prince charles" "was there another man" "what happened... "

blah blah blah.. i mean she was just another married woman whose husband was far too busy to pay any attention to her. so may be she did involve her self into something else like charity and doing good for others. FOCUS ON THAT EH?? is charity and good that boring that you have to find a "SELLING' story in anyone's life?

what about president clinton??? how many husbands are actually faithful??? haha a counted few. everyone cheats, today's world is a cheating world. may it be sexually or on a test or in some national treaty or raging war on innocent nations. im not condoning his behavior in any shape or form. im just saying, if he wasnt the president, would it be on the news?
is cheating A NEWS TOPIC??? so why did america focus soo much on him and make it such a big deal. he was almost impeached!!!! did his sexual activities affect his decision making skill ?? i doubt it.

i mean geez -- put my life on there.. lets see there can be two versions -an inspirational and a drama and gossip filled one. its always like that... you can either focus on the good of a person or the bad --- its pretty hard to cover BOTH and cover them objectively.

personally ive been batteling with this topic forever. why as humans do we tend to focus on the bad. i have made it my agenda to always think of all the good things the person has done for me when something REALLY bad happens. although, then i try to forgive the person too easily thinking, ohhh he's done soo much good, this i guess is not that bad (even though it is). so where is there a line?
is there a line? can we as humans be objective?

you think making a PROS and CONS chart is too teenie booper??? no no no no its actually i think by far the most objective way to make a relationship decision a girl/guy came up with. this way, all the good and all the bad is laid out. sometimes, objective "data" is needed because girls tend to over look certain things that lead to emotionally, physically or mentally abusive and draning relationships. i guess a guy can use it too, to prevent a gold digging, manipulative b@*&#.

but then comes the thought of if pros and cons and only objective data is taken in consideration, the measure of OUR FEELINGS, something soo subjective is left out. oh lord, there isnt a win win situation is there??

so first of all, what if ure life was put under the microscope??? what if u were followed and then a movie was made out of ure life... what would it be like? a thriller? inspiration?? drama? romance?? sultry?? anyone's life can go in all of these categories, i know mine can be anyone of these.. but WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO BE????

second of all... what do u think about the objective --subjective thingie..