haha i always said to my self "i need 8 hours of sleep to consolidate this learned information in my brain.. any more and i'll forget what i learned"... im good at convincing my self at things like that. grad school, obviously a different pace, although i still never cared enough to deprive my self of sleep.
hmm so this past week was horrendous might u say. here's the good, the bad, and well sadly, the ugly is REALLY ugly here. brace ure selves -- its a long ride.. AND SORRY, im starting with the ugly.
sunday night i find out from a friend that a girl was stabbed to death by her boyfriend 2 blocks from where she lives. as drastic as that sounded to me, she then tells me that it was a girl WE KNEW. that send chills down my spine and my entire body. it was a girl from my very own school, someone i took classes with. she had completed her masters in biomedical sciences and was accepted into med school.
now ive always preached about abusive relationships... i know THEY are hard to get out of. i know it. ive been there. ive been the victim of thinking "he's got a good heart, i know it, he'll change". you always want to assume that people are good inherently...
NO NO NO.. sometimes, sadly thru experience i have learned, that some PEOPLE JUST ARENT GOOD. no matter how much you want to believe it, some people just arent. its human nature to want to change the bad into good -- its a girl thing. we always date the "wild boys" , the "bad boys" and try change them into "good" -- we like that credit. i dont know why -- i know many girls right now that are in an abusive relationship
GET OUT!!!... even if its emotionally abusive. you never know what that person will snap. you would rather have your grandparents find you in a pool of ure own blood in the morning when they came to pick u up for breakfast????? thats how the girl was found. i know pretty graphic, but sometimes it takes that for people to realize - get out before its too late. you always think it wont happen to you, but the people that die, they too were average school going people. she was just another girl, from surbubia. just another bitter college student with alot of loans, trying to make a career. she was just another me... another you... another any one of us.
dont ever think it wont happen to you -- because YOU NEVER KNOW. trust me!! this hit home and hit home pretty clear. i am glad i got out of the crappy relationship i was in a year ago. i know its hard to walk away, but at the end of it all, you're better because u did. well mostly cause ure still breathing, and a strong woman for walking away.
sorry - i feel very passionate about this. especially, since somone i know is now not breathing. its quite hard to imagine that.. and mostly i tried my best to not do it, because i didnt want to deal with it. however, important you think that guy is, he really isnt.
phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
now on a more lighter note -- from saturday until 10am wednesday, i have slept a maximum of 14 hours. hmmmmm 3 days - 14 hours... :( not looking good. on tu
every day i went to bed after midnight and woke up around 4:30am. i got me 24oz of coffee and breakfast, studied before the exam, took the exam and went and studied for the next days exam.
the lack of sleep caught up to me and my friends. on tuesday, the attempt of studying for my last final was failed. on tuesday -- this is how sad it was...
- i couldnt form sentences
- i was soo tired i was falling over and tripping over things
- my eyes were watering involuntarily
- my arms and legs were just BLAH
- i was taking REDDI WHIP SHOTS for SUGAR HIGH
- i was crashing ever 20 minutes
- if i wasnt talking, i was napping
- i was shaking, twitching, and acting like a crack addict. LOL
thats the BAD. i have never put in this much effort of waking up before sunrise and studying before a test. all those finals things ppl say - YUP TRUE. i ate like crap - finding whatever food high in sugar to keep me up. i was up drinking mountain dew, coffee with shots of expresso and well reddi whip. hahaha..
here's the GOOD -- IM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!! this was my second to last academic quater on campus. i have ONE MORE TO GO and then i'll be out on rotations practicing and graduating in MAY OF 2008.. only 273 more days to go.
so be careful, stay safe and stay confident most of all. i think my life's goal is to NEVER make a decision that doesnt MAKE me happy directly or indirectly, because well - i have only one life to live and only oh so many years to have alot of fun in before responsibilities really set in.. so WELL ITS OK FOR ME TO BE SELFISH..
9 comments:
Welcome back smarty and there you go you just spilt the burning furnace. sometimes it is just the feeling deep down and not to take a risk to eventually get into an "ugly" situation such as this? Knowingly or unknowingly such things happens and perhaps that is one of the many reasons why the beautifulest of all women will hook up with a dork like to prove something. Cannot believe that at all. AT ALL.
Hmm.. talk about that, it feels like I am eternally single born to rule the kingdom of bachelorwood ! Now the flip side, neither the beauties like me nor the graphic ones. Oh well does that give you a hint on how crafted and cryptic life I have LOL :)
Oh thy so near to graduate good on you matey. You will do good for whatever that remains is no big dragon to slain. Keep the spirits high and I like the last paragraph much coz that I how I live mine. Atleast don't live a life of hate and regret. I have always TRIED and even though I ended up being a failure yet I don't regret till date on something that I could have done.
i agree with u over the selfishness part... :) in fact its something i have been thinking for some days now. sadly my utterly selfish streak awakened not because i was inherently feeling so, but because i realised that i am being taken for granted and being used to get whatever good i have to offer!
ur post was really touching, the abusive relationships part... its sad and true
bless her soul..
hmm...final exams *tch tch*
am already havin scares now! i hv tough times ahead you know...
abusive relationship..wow never heard of it..maybe cuz I've never been so deeply involved into any relationship..thank god! but after going through your post and getting to know about the girl being murdered, i was petrified. I mean how can a guy kill his girl just because there have been misunderstandings? Not fair..i mean tis disgraceful...
what i feel is that girls take emotions and relationships very deeply. I agree girls are like that but when it gets over demanding out of any relationship, I guess the guy starts to sulk and avoid a bit, thus sparking misunderstandings and hence the consequence..I dunno if i am right or wrong but I guess, guys shouldnt play around with emotions unless and until they are sure of what they getting into..I havent until now and I realize I havent done any harm either..
well written...uve been blogrolled by me!
cheers!
@vikram: its not that anyone likes taking "risks" to venture into the "ugly" situations. its not like the girl asked for it. TRUST ME. no matter how much she might've loved the guy or was willing to fight for him or with him, NO ONE asks to BE STABBED TO DEATH.
--- i know you said "knowingly or unknowingly" =) but i just thought i should say that.
secondly - THANKS. i am pretty close to graduating and "another dragon slain"... hmmm indeed it is matey .. haha
@trinnie: so sorry. it sucks to be taken advantage of. its not like i came up with my idea of selfishness just out of the blues. ive been taken granted for and or taken advantage of ALOT. it sucks, but i think of it as "one more adventure" ... "one more experience"
@wacko: im almost glad to hear that u havent experienced or heard of an abusive relationship. why say that the girl was taking her emotions too far. may be its the guy who culdnt keep a hold on his emotions - which is why things got out of hand and he had to stab her to death. I MEAN ANGER IS AN EMOTION eh???
yes.. guys or girls shouldnt play with emotions..
thanks for visiting by the way.
Know something, only when people scold me they use my full name :-) Call me Vik, that adds a sensuous touch to the posts you write. LOL.
BTW, it is not about SHE alone. I think the saddest part of all relationships known the failures that the girl ends up with is blown for long. And don't take me wrong. It happens in both sexes and we don't even know if men die or get killed. "MAY or MAY not"
No wonder they said love was blind !
oye, no need to be sorry! im glad u brought this topic up and actually i too think abt it as one more lesson learnt, another meaningful adventure!
:)
well, i meant as in girls are like really very sensitive...they consider relationships the most important thing in their life..not that am tellin tis wrong, but just a bit over possessiveness i feel..
i know most of the guys aint like that..i mean getting to know about this guy was a disaster infact..i never in my life expected a guy to be so harsh...maybe there was somethin else to the story that perhaps you and me dont know at all..
cheers
@vikram: lol since i do "scold" you in most of my replies, hahaa i decided to go ahead and use it again.
well i think what u meant to say is that the girl blows things out of proportion??? im not SURE. SORRY. but yes, most girls doo - but then again, they do it cause the guy decideds to not take them seriously in the first place.
love is blind because it holds no bar to race, sex, place in the community, rich and poor, color -- etc. i didnt put age in there because personally - after a certain difference in age, ITS NASTY and somewhat illegal.
@trinnie: thanks, i guess thats the only positive way to look at things eh?? =)
@wacko: well girls do give it all in a relationship. i cant deny that. may be thats how we're made. if you look at it along the lines of biology - WHY shouldnt we give it all. we carry ONE egg per month. men make over a million eggs in a day. we have to carefully pick our "mates" per say and thts why we're more pickier. we also have to invest alot in our relationships, because we do bear kids.
now now i know this is just relationships not marriage and all. BUT thats the thinking everyone subconsciously has, thats what evolution has taught women.
may be there was something else to the story that we dont know - VERY TRUE. sorry for the longgg ass comment. =)
we women want ALL or NOTHING. Its a fact boys.
Im so sorry to hear abt this girl..its shocking! It happens often though...r'ships can become quite possesive n dangerous...so get out while u can.
Some pretty good advice at the bottom Choco..very well-said! Dun do anything half-heartedly..cos u only have ONE LIFE.
And WB girl!
Keshi.
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