really, i know i have taken a very very very long break from blogging. Lord knows i tried coming back to the blogging world, but found my self super busy to blog. i found my self thinking how was i sane through all of crazy school cause i know im going insane at work...
OMG... over powering crazy woman going through menopause who ISNT MY BOSS has somehow managed to claim her self to be one. i mean everything i do is scrutinized... HMM HELLO!!! i have a license to practice, i passed the same test.. NO WAIT, a harder test and you have a bachelors in physical therapy.. i on the other hand have a DOCTERATE degree.. doesnt that count for something? do ya mind backing the FUCK OFF!!!...
WELL THIS IS WHAT I WANNA SAY.. and what i end up saying is .. "yea but, no thats not what i wanted to do, but.. yea.. thanks for your advice, i'll keep that in mind."
she's soo intimidating, horrible, rude, interupts everyone, always thinks she's right, she has a desk and NONE of the other therapists have a desk??
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY may i ask? cause she's a prude bitch. steals things from people and acts like she didnt, thinks she's better than everyone, that her daughters are the prettiest.. EVERYTHING IS A COMPETITION. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
since when am i not confrontational??? since when do i take crap??? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
never!!!!!!!!!may be im scared of loosing my job. i mean im finally making money, money to pay off my loans, may be i dont wanna compromise that. may be i dont want issues at work.. i don't know but i sure do know im NOT someone to take the back seat.
EVERYDAY after lunch i have to go into the rest room and just punch the stupid paper dispenser, and or scream...
may be im just TESTING OUT the proverv, Patience is a VIRTUE!!! or i just need to grow some man balls and just tell her go f'off ure old cranky you bitter old witch... go get some cause you sure as hell need to get that cork stuck up ure ass..
ok perhaps tone it down a notch, may be a few notches, but you get it!!
ok i just wanted to vent!! few, perhaps i now remember how i got through school -- venting on the blog!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
belle
okie.. so i know i'm sorry i havent quite made a "good come back" and all.. but hey, a little at a time right? so my boyfriend got me a cute little kitty.... as a "i love you present". now lemme preface this, i DO NOT LIKE CATS. although, who doesnt love little things? 
here's my cutie, on monday when i went to visit him, i found her with a bloody cheek, bloody hind paw and bloody ear. she had scratched her self silly and we took her to the Animal hospital ER and got her looked at. here's what she came back with.
a little cone. hehehehehe she's sooo cute.
puppies?
kitties?
tiny little bunnies?
who doesn't??? he likes cats, he already owns a cat. MEET TUXIE... well his full name is Professor Tux Four Paws
he's the king of the house. he's a very very tempermental cat, always wants to be pet first, fed first. he's a cute little fur ball... fat fur ball. hehehe. but he's mostly my boyfriends cat, cause again, im not a CAT person. Dont get me wrong, i love him. i wasnt' very excited at first to hear that my boyfriend got a cat, about 2 years ago. I used to very scared, cause he'd just jump on me, just weird getting used animal around the house. I never had pets growing up, so again, WEIRD. BUT I LOVE THE LITTLE BUGGER...
now... *** DRUMROLLL** meet belle..........Belle Sox Four Paws: I wanted to call her "belle" cause she's soooo purtttyy, just like my favorite disney princess, "belle" from beauty and the beast. He wanted to call it "sox" after his favorite baseball team .. *mennnn*.
here she is when we first got her, 8 weeks and 3 days old:
here's my cutie, on monday when i went to visit him, i found her with a bloody cheek, bloody hind paw and bloody ear. she had scratched her self silly and we took her to the Animal hospital ER and got her looked at. here's what she came back with.a little cone. hehehehehe she's sooo cute.
here's her trying to figure how to jump and not have her cone land first. LOL... everytime she jumped off here, she would go head first and her cone would hit first and it was sad for her, but hilarious to watch. she's too cute, everytime she messed up, she'd run to me, and crawl between my legs or behind my back. In the last picture she's 12 weeks old. my they grow fast .. hehehe.. oh ps: im allergic to cats and kittens. hehehee i load up on my claritin when i go visit my kitten.
ok.. so i promised my self i wouldnt become one of those crazy pet owners who carry pictures of their pets in the wallets and refer to them as their kids. I SWEAR my patients do that. LIKE one of the patient's i just had on monday..
me: do you live alone or with someone at home
patient: "yea.. i live with my 3 kids.. "
me: how old are they, are they at home enough to help you
patient: "oh.. my dogs cant dial the phone for 911 if thats what you mean"
ME: so you have 3 dogs? or 3 kids, just for clarification.
patient: 3 dogs, they ARE my kids you know...
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
me: so you live alone with 3 dogs
patient: isnt that what i just said
me: yes mam... *patient satifaction... fuck the satisfaction.. where's SANITY?*
anyways, off i go to sleep.. to start a new day of work and return to my pleasantly confused patients.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
aditi update... and new dehli experience
ok first comes first.. i know all of you have been dying to know about aditi and my dear JIJAJI.. WELL the wedding was in chandigradh, (love the city by the way, the cleanest city in india, by far, and SUPER ORGANIZED.) chandigardh, was actually desgined by some french guy in sectors. just like here, like each suburb is self sufficient with doctors, stores, grocery stores.. ure basic needs stuff. just like that each sector is self sufficient, so that traffic never builds up, and you really dont need to cross sectors on a daily basis. smart eh??? leave it to the french to invent this and "french kissing"...lol perhaps some french guys got together with some indian guy and there born was KAMA SUTRA.. *TAN TAN TAN*
ok ok big deviation. so the wedding was in chandigardh, very nicely done. LOVED IT, love the punjabi's and their partying styles. then they had a reception in chandigardh and then another reception in bombay. i was in india for 5 days --- NEVER TRAVEL ACROSS COUNTRY FOR 5 DAYS. But i had to do it for my dear loving sister. i love my new jijaji, and they make a wonderful pair. SOOOOOOOOOOOO since the wedding was in chandigardh, we (just the immediate family) flew bombay to chandigardh but on the way back we took the train with EVERYONE ELSE. It was a great experience, but we had to take a bus from chandigardh to dehli train station, and took a train from dehli to bombay. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THE dehli train station is the DIRTIEST THING i have ever seen. i mean bombay is dirty, but that was a whole ANOTHER LEVEL OF DIRTY. i mean it DURRRTTTYYYY.
we SAW RATS... not ure usual size of rats, we saw HUMONGOUS RATS which werent scared of anything. we saw monkeys, crazy ass monkeys. cause i thought ooooo i'll take pictures of monkey's and show my white friends about wild monkeys, so i take a picture --- I just got the back, and it turned around, so i tried taking another, by the time the flash was over. THIS WAS THE PICTURE.
angry littl monkey eh? look at those teeth?????? u see them!!! u see them dont you?? scary little monster. focus on the eyes, they're red, not a picture taking flaw my friends, it was THAT PISSED OFF AT ME. hmmmmmmm it chased me around for 10 minutes. i was literally the women in distress and NO HERO to rescue me. 10 other monkeys joined, and i really was super scared. oh boy. we were at the dehli station for 5 hours, and i was terrified i was sitting on a bag, because if it wasnt the monkeys, it was the rats. super scary.
so trinnie be aware of monkeys and rats at the dehli train station.
Although, it was a great experience to visit the lal kila (red fort) and OUR HISTORIC BUILDINGS. That, i am happy about, not the train station. 
Monday, August 25, 2008
grand return OR NOTTTTTTTTTT
so .. i've actually been thinking of returning to the blog world for a while, trust me i HAD ALOT TO VENT about in the past months that i have taken off...
like my crazy clinical before graduating and the crazy ass psycho nerd that was with me for 10 weeks during that clinical, always trying to show me up.
like stress of finish my paper and then being told by my teacher how it was really never good enough..
or how i went to india for 5 days for my sister's wedding, which by the way was a blast.
like how i got super sick on her reception day in bombay, oy that was crazy -- me throwing up outside the apartment.. NOT GOOD
or like the crazy accident i had where i TOTALED MY CAR... yes, thats right, a tire flew one direction, the rims the other, one headlight here.. the other there, no windows intact, radiator blown, whole driver side was crushed.. etc etc... surprisingly I WAS ALIVE.. and stupid drivers on the road.. i hate annoying men trying to show off, cause thats how i crashed my car. asshole, didnt even stop
or like i went for an interview 3 hours after that accident and got the job =)
like how i work 10 hour days and work 6 days a week on regular week and may be 7 sometimes
or how i got back with my ex and i was wrong, once a cheater, always a cheater is not always right ==> there's always a story behind an action, life is not always white and black... THERE ARE GRAYS there. i looked at the black for 1 year, gray for 6 months, analyzed it and decided that it actually was more white than black.. we've been re-dating for almost a year now, and well its been wonderful.
yea, it was rocky at first cause i was paranoid, but he worked soo hard to earn my trust and has kept it. trust me i tried, since i did trust him at first, i hacked into emails and work accounts, phone records and bills... so i knew what he was up to and would always compare it from what he told me, this time, it was all the same...
or how i FINALLY GRADUATED after 7 years and now im a doctor .. ok ok doctor of physical therapy, but im a doctor ;)
or how my sister got me a silver cross pen, with my name engraved on it, that says DR. PAULOMEE SHAH, yes bitches ;)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im hereeeeeeee
or how my a good friend got married and i didnt even get a real invitation, haha people change so quickly sometimes, i mean 5 years of friendship, and dear lord, couldnt afford to print up a fucking invitation, use a pen in the house to write my address and PUT A STAMP ON IT? honestly? grrr but whatever, it still gets on my nerves to this day.
so HOW DID I STAY SANE? my lovely boyfriend is just soo wonderful that in the last year even though i wasn't blogging, he kept me sane, so i didnt go yelling and running out on the streets like a mad woman. hehehehe... he heard me whine, bitch, moan, groan over and over and over again, and sometimes 10 times a day for HOURS... thanks babe!!
but anyways... i needed to vent ALOT.... so IM BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! although, who knows who reads this blog now.. perhaps vik, who kinda provided the last push for motivating me to return, but other than that, i think its me, my self and i. never the less, its a good outlet for me to let things out in a constructive manner and lol nicer for the boy's ears (hehehe). so here i am, like it or not.
like my crazy clinical before graduating and the crazy ass psycho nerd that was with me for 10 weeks during that clinical, always trying to show me up.
like stress of finish my paper and then being told by my teacher how it was really never good enough..
or how i went to india for 5 days for my sister's wedding, which by the way was a blast.
like how i got super sick on her reception day in bombay, oy that was crazy -- me throwing up outside the apartment.. NOT GOOD
or like the crazy accident i had where i TOTALED MY CAR... yes, thats right, a tire flew one direction, the rims the other, one headlight here.. the other there, no windows intact, radiator blown, whole driver side was crushed.. etc etc... surprisingly I WAS ALIVE.. and stupid drivers on the road.. i hate annoying men trying to show off, cause thats how i crashed my car. asshole, didnt even stop
or like i went for an interview 3 hours after that accident and got the job =)
like how i work 10 hour days and work 6 days a week on regular week and may be 7 sometimes
or how i got back with my ex and i was wrong, once a cheater, always a cheater is not always right ==> there's always a story behind an action, life is not always white and black... THERE ARE GRAYS there. i looked at the black for 1 year, gray for 6 months, analyzed it and decided that it actually was more white than black.. we've been re-dating for almost a year now, and well its been wonderful.
yea, it was rocky at first cause i was paranoid, but he worked soo hard to earn my trust and has kept it. trust me i tried, since i did trust him at first, i hacked into emails and work accounts, phone records and bills... so i knew what he was up to and would always compare it from what he told me, this time, it was all the same...
or how i FINALLY GRADUATED after 7 years and now im a doctor .. ok ok doctor of physical therapy, but im a doctor ;)
or how my sister got me a silver cross pen, with my name engraved on it, that says DR. PAULOMEE SHAH, yes bitches ;)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im hereeeeeeee
or how my a good friend got married and i didnt even get a real invitation, haha people change so quickly sometimes, i mean 5 years of friendship, and dear lord, couldnt afford to print up a fucking invitation, use a pen in the house to write my address and PUT A STAMP ON IT? honestly? grrr but whatever, it still gets on my nerves to this day.
so HOW DID I STAY SANE? my lovely boyfriend is just soo wonderful that in the last year even though i wasn't blogging, he kept me sane, so i didnt go yelling and running out on the streets like a mad woman. hehehehe... he heard me whine, bitch, moan, groan over and over and over again, and sometimes 10 times a day for HOURS... thanks babe!!
but anyways... i needed to vent ALOT.... so IM BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! although, who knows who reads this blog now.. perhaps vik, who kinda provided the last push for motivating me to return, but other than that, i think its me, my self and i. never the less, its a good outlet for me to let things out in a constructive manner and lol nicer for the boy's ears (hehehe). so here i am, like it or not.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
alvida
hey guys...
sorry, i dont think i'll be able to blog or read any blogs anymore. i tried, but with 50 hours at work each week +homework +projects + research to finish and due dates to meet and remotely try have a life is kinda hard to do...
so i bid adieu... cant really give a time frame of when i'll return or even if i'll return. anyways, its not like many people read this blog ... and you guys have been blogging without me for quite some time now...
either way.... bye!!
alvida.
sorry, i dont think i'll be able to blog or read any blogs anymore. i tried, but with 50 hours at work each week +homework +projects + research to finish and due dates to meet and remotely try have a life is kinda hard to do...
so i bid adieu... cant really give a time frame of when i'll return or even if i'll return. anyways, its not like many people read this blog ... and you guys have been blogging without me for quite some time now...
either way.... bye!!
alvida.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
ahhhhhhh
so my new job started... now u'd think.. a JOB... money is involved, i must be getting paid so i shouldnt whine ALOT right?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
sadly, its the other way around. i pay tuition at school == and from school im send out to these clinics to work for FREE. so in all technicality, i pay them to work. IM LOOSING MONEY in this ordeal, and im NOT HAPPY about this.
i work 9 hours on M/W/F and 10-11 hours on T/TH all FOR FREE. so not cool. oh man... all the people i get lift and move. yea everyone wants a massage and everyone wants to be stretched. my fingers are dying at the end of the day. i mean giving a deep tissue massage isnt easy on the finger joints... especially when u're doing 10-20 minutes per patient, for 10-15 patients a day... 5 days a week. YIKES.
ok ok im done bitching. besides the annoying part of not getting paid, and fingers and legs and shoulders hurting. its a pretty rewarding job and i can totally see my self working like this for the rest of my life. its awesome to be able to see someone come in with pain off the charts and not even able to raise their arm and when ure done, you see them lifting groceries, their kids/grand kids and what not.. its just nice to see that.
now that thats said and done.. AHHHHHHHHH I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE KEEP TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING. i mean im a talker and i like patients who tell me their stories, makes therapy fun. although, everytime i do something you keep pointing out how im not doing this right.. how I moved from the spot.. and the worse part of all is... she tells me HOW TO TO DO MY JOB. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
most times when a patient tells me oh you missed the spot or it really hurts here i appreciate it cause obviously the patient knows when and where it hurts, its THEIR body after all. but when you tell me that im doing everything wrong its quite annoying. i hate poeple like that... lol reading fake shit on the internet, telling my degree doesnt mean anything. ahhhhhh!!!
talking those patients and trying to convince them that NO, going on a water diet will not reduce ure pain or eating only wheat foods will not help increase motion in ure joint is impossible. and even worse, people who talk your ear off.. i mean tell you everything and anything ... tell you about what time they woke up, how they showered... what they wore and a minute by minute run down of their day... I HATE IT. im not a fucking psychiatrist.. so BACK OFF AND SHUT UP!!
anyways... thats my week. super busy and well ears bleeding from crazy patient talk.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
sadly, its the other way around. i pay tuition at school == and from school im send out to these clinics to work for FREE. so in all technicality, i pay them to work. IM LOOSING MONEY in this ordeal, and im NOT HAPPY about this.
i work 9 hours on M/W/F and 10-11 hours on T/TH all FOR FREE. so not cool. oh man... all the people i get lift and move. yea everyone wants a massage and everyone wants to be stretched. my fingers are dying at the end of the day. i mean giving a deep tissue massage isnt easy on the finger joints... especially when u're doing 10-20 minutes per patient, for 10-15 patients a day... 5 days a week. YIKES.
ok ok im done bitching. besides the annoying part of not getting paid, and fingers and legs and shoulders hurting. its a pretty rewarding job and i can totally see my self working like this for the rest of my life. its awesome to be able to see someone come in with pain off the charts and not even able to raise their arm and when ure done, you see them lifting groceries, their kids/grand kids and what not.. its just nice to see that.
now that thats said and done.. AHHHHHHHHH I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE KEEP TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING. i mean im a talker and i like patients who tell me their stories, makes therapy fun. although, everytime i do something you keep pointing out how im not doing this right.. how I moved from the spot.. and the worse part of all is... she tells me HOW TO TO DO MY JOB. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
most times when a patient tells me oh you missed the spot or it really hurts here i appreciate it cause obviously the patient knows when and where it hurts, its THEIR body after all. but when you tell me that im doing everything wrong its quite annoying. i hate poeple like that... lol reading fake shit on the internet, telling my degree doesnt mean anything. ahhhhhh!!!
talking those patients and trying to convince them that NO, going on a water diet will not reduce ure pain or eating only wheat foods will not help increase motion in ure joint is impossible. and even worse, people who talk your ear off.. i mean tell you everything and anything ... tell you about what time they woke up, how they showered... what they wore and a minute by minute run down of their day... I HATE IT. im not a fucking psychiatrist.. so BACK OFF AND SHUT UP!!
anyways... thats my week. super busy and well ears bleeding from crazy patient talk.
Friday, November 23, 2007
alive and kicking....
hey guys, i know i took a longer than expected break away from blogging. i sure did miss it..
so here's what ive been up to in the past month or so.
1. SCHOOL: OMG.. first of all november 13th was the LAST DAY OF FINALS of my 21 year career in school. phew.. who knew that when i first entered kindergarten and hated it sooo much i'd keep it up for 21 freaking years. phewwwww done and done. i now just have 20 weeks of clinicals or rotations whatever you wanna call it and then completion of school in april and GRADUATION IN MAY!!!... so obviously i was super busy wrapping up school stuff and finishing the unnecessary although mandatory projects, presentations and stupid papers. but IM DONE.. IM DONE ... IM DONE.. IM DONE!!!
i'll post pictures of most of my P.T. class up here. we obviously went out to the bars straight after the final. haha... which i decided to protest and not study for until the morning of (bad pooja.. bad pooja). although for a 3 hour cram session at 4:30 in the am paid off and i got a A in one class and a B+ in the other.
2. FAMILY: hmmm so may be many of u knew.. and some may be not, but my dear sister came to chicago in the midst of my crazy school stuff. its been super fun having her around. i totally miss bugging her and harassing her. you know of all the things i missed from both of us living in different counteries is not the talking or the communication or closeness.. technology is far to advance for that now. I MISS THE BUGGING part, oh my, i love it when i harass her when she's trying to read or sitting peacefully. =) hehehe something about the evil sibling in me, cant leave her alone. alsooooooooooooo, i love cooking and baking with her. i always seem to gain weight when she's here. the best part is mostly spending time .. REAL time with her. love ya sis... hahaha dont worry, i promise i wont let u finish that book of ures. its my mission!!!
then my parents who had left for 3 weeks --- LEFT MY BROTHER AND I ALONE FOR 3 WEEKS... and had gone to india. omg.. it was kinda nice initially to not have them around. you know eat watever you want, sleep whenever, where ever.. if u dont clean up -- WHO CARES? hahaha sadly, it got old. gotta admit... missed the parental units. my dad cause i had to remember to make all my payments, the houses's payments and what not. lol otherwise, we wouldnt have phone, electricity and gas.. bad bad when u live in the windy city of chicago. my mom cause ughhhh I HATE DOING LAUNDRY and believe it or not, i totally missed the indian food. but now that they're back... im all like "leave again.... seriously.. go". hahaha....
3. MY EX: i know i know.. i just left it off as distant friends and all. in the past month that i have disappeared. we've talked... talked and tried to clear all my doubts and reservations about this whole situation. i told you guys, if i dont even try being friends, i would always wonder what if... i hate THAT WHAT IF. that what if, alone will make me Q other relationships. i wish he hadnt said anything, cause then there woulda been NO WHAT IF. but whatever. so all we've been doing is talking all via emails. no personal contact yet... so no worries. im moving nice and slow. i still hate him. i think most of the emails have been me blowing off steam and telling him how horrible he was, and his actions were. so we're not even at the point where i've had a civilized email to him. he on the other hand has been nothing but nice and patient and very tolerant of my harsh harsh words.
so thats kinda whats been up in my life... a quick catch up of my time away. lol i know NOTHING exciting. its hard to have an exciting life, when ure finishing up graduate school. dont wanna do anything crazy and fuck up the 7 years of hard work. hehe... well hopefully you guys enjoy'd this long ass post. i cant quite promise regular posts, cause like i mentioned earlier -> i have my 20 weeks of clinicals starting monday, and my first 10 weeks is in this place i'd like future employment in, so i have to BUST my behind and show them im worth it. but i will never be gone for a month again....
oh yea.. catching up on all ure blogs will take me a LONG TIME.. be patient. i'll try to get thru most, but cant promise if i'll read all the posts made in the last 30 days.
so here's what ive been up to in the past month or so.
1. SCHOOL: OMG.. first of all november 13th was the LAST DAY OF FINALS of my 21 year career in school. phew.. who knew that when i first entered kindergarten and hated it sooo much i'd keep it up for 21 freaking years. phewwwww done and done. i now just have 20 weeks of clinicals or rotations whatever you wanna call it and then completion of school in april and GRADUATION IN MAY!!!... so obviously i was super busy wrapping up school stuff and finishing the unnecessary although mandatory projects, presentations and stupid papers. but IM DONE.. IM DONE ... IM DONE.. IM DONE!!!
i'll post pictures of most of my P.T. class up here. we obviously went out to the bars straight after the final. haha... which i decided to protest and not study for until the morning of (bad pooja.. bad pooja). although for a 3 hour cram session at 4:30 in the am paid off and i got a A in one class and a B+ in the other.
2. FAMILY: hmmm so may be many of u knew.. and some may be not, but my dear sister came to chicago in the midst of my crazy school stuff. its been super fun having her around. i totally miss bugging her and harassing her. you know of all the things i missed from both of us living in different counteries is not the talking or the communication or closeness.. technology is far to advance for that now. I MISS THE BUGGING part, oh my, i love it when i harass her when she's trying to read or sitting peacefully. =) hehehe something about the evil sibling in me, cant leave her alone. alsooooooooooooo, i love cooking and baking with her. i always seem to gain weight when she's here. the best part is mostly spending time .. REAL time with her. love ya sis... hahaha dont worry, i promise i wont let u finish that book of ures. its my mission!!!
then my parents who had left for 3 weeks --- LEFT MY BROTHER AND I ALONE FOR 3 WEEKS... and had gone to india. omg.. it was kinda nice initially to not have them around. you know eat watever you want, sleep whenever, where ever.. if u dont clean up -- WHO CARES? hahaha sadly, it got old. gotta admit... missed the parental units. my dad cause i had to remember to make all my payments, the houses's payments and what not. lol otherwise, we wouldnt have phone, electricity and gas.. bad bad when u live in the windy city of chicago. my mom cause ughhhh I HATE DOING LAUNDRY and believe it or not, i totally missed the indian food. but now that they're back... im all like "leave again.... seriously.. go". hahaha....
3. MY EX: i know i know.. i just left it off as distant friends and all. in the past month that i have disappeared. we've talked... talked and tried to clear all my doubts and reservations about this whole situation. i told you guys, if i dont even try being friends, i would always wonder what if... i hate THAT WHAT IF. that what if, alone will make me Q other relationships. i wish he hadnt said anything, cause then there woulda been NO WHAT IF. but whatever. so all we've been doing is talking all via emails. no personal contact yet... so no worries. im moving nice and slow. i still hate him. i think most of the emails have been me blowing off steam and telling him how horrible he was, and his actions were. so we're not even at the point where i've had a civilized email to him. he on the other hand has been nothing but nice and patient and very tolerant of my harsh harsh words.
so thats kinda whats been up in my life... a quick catch up of my time away. lol i know NOTHING exciting. its hard to have an exciting life, when ure finishing up graduate school. dont wanna do anything crazy and fuck up the 7 years of hard work. hehe... well hopefully you guys enjoy'd this long ass post. i cant quite promise regular posts, cause like i mentioned earlier -> i have my 20 weeks of clinicals starting monday, and my first 10 weeks is in this place i'd like future employment in, so i have to BUST my behind and show them im worth it. but i will never be gone for a month again....
oh yea.. catching up on all ure blogs will take me a LONG TIME.. be patient. i'll try to get thru most, but cant promise if i'll read all the posts made in the last 30 days.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
break
hey guys, sorry i havent quite visited anyone's blog in over a week or may be even two. well you guys know - super busy wrapping up school and projects and i have two lovely jobs.
i will not be blogging until end of school - another 2-3weeks and i probably wont be able to visit most of ure blogs. although, i will try --> gives me sanity once in a while to escape into someone else's world. anyways..
wish me luck...
i will not be blogging until end of school - another 2-3weeks and i probably wont be able to visit most of ure blogs. although, i will try --> gives me sanity once in a while to escape into someone else's world. anyways..
wish me luck...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
solution
thank you everyone for ure HONEST input. honesty is basically the best policy in situations like such.
i was at a major shock when i did first hear and realize the depth of this situation. obviously i have given much much thought to it, and weighed in ure comments and thoughts, my friends who have observed us together and apart, and most importantly my feelings.
first i mostly wanna say thanks aditi - for standing by me for any decision i make. that means alot. i htink i was looking for verification mostly from YOU just in case i make a decision to give him a chance and go back to him. obviously ure approval and such means alot to me.
next i wanna thank vik for being very honest and very helpful and mostly rational. and checking up to see if i was ok =). this is one topic that drives alot of passion from those people that have burned before. if this was another person experiencing ths, i woulda said the same thing keshi said. thanks guys, its very important to sometimes just be the strong person and say HMM I DONT THINK SO. once a cheater, always a cheater is something ive believed strongly. its not only true for men, but also for women. thanks trinnie.. yes when u are under tha magical spell of love - things just happen to be different. thank you for ure rational comment as well...
i did weigh in all the BAD and all the good that was between us. i however, do not weigh in any of the religious problems between us while making this decision. i think the biggest thing is trying to make it work between us, cause yes that is a problem but not a problem in my decision. i believe that A PERSON IS GOOD, PPL ARE BAD.
so i will never generalize and say muslims this and that... being muslim is just a part of him, not all of him.
so whats my decision... lol i know ure dying to know.
here it goes:
i told him you cant just waltz back in my life and expect us to pick up where we left off. you made alot of mistakes, big mistakes that left me hurt alot. i was broken and i picked up the pieces of my heart that you broke. my friends and famliy helped me, but u didnt once think about me and my feelings when u make selfish decisions. i partly understand why u had to make those decisions, because if my dying dad asked me to marry someone - i dont know what i woulda done ... i dont know if i coulda disappointed my dad by saying no, its my life.
but, i also told him that i couldnt just plunge into something because i DO NOT TRUST HIM.
i also said that we could just be DISTANT friends like we are right now and keep it at that. i am not ready to have extra drama, extra baggage and extra anything. most of all that he cant just waltz in here expecting me to commit just cause im not dating anyone when he's made very selfish decisions.
i did say if he wishes he can try and earn my trust back, but that doesnt mean that i'll give him a chance. it also didnt mean that i'll wait for him or that i wont date anyone. i said it was my time to be selfish and my time to do whatever i wanted.
______________
it is pretty easy to give advice to someone on what the RIGHT thing to do is, because when watching from the outside in, the RIGHT thing is apparant. its obvious and its right there smacking in u in the face and u feel like that omg, how could u not see it. although, its very very very difficult being the person making that decision. it was hard for me not cause i cant live without him, its not that i wont be able to fall in love again or i wont find someone else or any of that stuff.
its that i can live without him, been doing it for over a year. i am happy with being single. i REALLY am. i am content in my life and its actually nice to not have drama. its that i wanted to live WITH HIM for soooooo long, that all those memories came back and that little hope of my dreams coming true came back as well. its that i am happy without him around and content, that when i was with him I WAS ALWAYS ECSTATIC. its that i wasnt just content, i was more than that.
yes i did make my decisions to inherently protect my self from getting hurt again and protect my self from him fucking up again and further hurting me. although, sometimes you cant just make decisions with ure BRAIN. so i left an open window for him to try make it up to me - to make sure i dont close anything. just in case. im a person who always hangs on WHAT IF'S.
i want to make sure i leave this open because two/three years down the road i dont want to sit here and wonder, what if. because that will stop me from liking someone else.
i also think whatever happens, happens for a reason. may be this is a test of my belief's... may be this is to show me how wrong he is, or how right he is. may be this is to let me know MOVE ON, or stay - i dont know... but in time we'll know. i also think that if two people are meant to be, they'll be together somehow .. someway.
so im gonna leave it as us being DISTANT friends.... i wont put my self in a situation where the direct result is GETTING HURT. if we're really meant to be together -- then u know what we may be or better yet may be i'll FIND SOMEONE EVEN MORE WONDERFUL AND BETTER ..... who knows.
so for now..... distant friends and thats it. oh yea what you mean by distant friends. it basically means that we speak to each other once or twice every season via email or something. calls are only made if ure dying or i guess having another annulment (bad joke .. hahha). oh and personal meetings are only when mutual friends invite us both to a b'day party or something like that. even then we barely speak to each other. just a quick clarification...
thank you SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for ure honest opinions. i really do appreciate it.
i was at a major shock when i did first hear and realize the depth of this situation. obviously i have given much much thought to it, and weighed in ure comments and thoughts, my friends who have observed us together and apart, and most importantly my feelings.
first i mostly wanna say thanks aditi - for standing by me for any decision i make. that means alot. i htink i was looking for verification mostly from YOU just in case i make a decision to give him a chance and go back to him. obviously ure approval and such means alot to me.
next i wanna thank vik for being very honest and very helpful and mostly rational. and checking up to see if i was ok =). this is one topic that drives alot of passion from those people that have burned before. if this was another person experiencing ths, i woulda said the same thing keshi said. thanks guys, its very important to sometimes just be the strong person and say HMM I DONT THINK SO. once a cheater, always a cheater is something ive believed strongly. its not only true for men, but also for women. thanks trinnie.. yes when u are under tha magical spell of love - things just happen to be different. thank you for ure rational comment as well...
i did weigh in all the BAD and all the good that was between us. i however, do not weigh in any of the religious problems between us while making this decision. i think the biggest thing is trying to make it work between us, cause yes that is a problem but not a problem in my decision. i believe that A PERSON IS GOOD, PPL ARE BAD.
so i will never generalize and say muslims this and that... being muslim is just a part of him, not all of him.
so whats my decision... lol i know ure dying to know.
here it goes:
i told him you cant just waltz back in my life and expect us to pick up where we left off. you made alot of mistakes, big mistakes that left me hurt alot. i was broken and i picked up the pieces of my heart that you broke. my friends and famliy helped me, but u didnt once think about me and my feelings when u make selfish decisions. i partly understand why u had to make those decisions, because if my dying dad asked me to marry someone - i dont know what i woulda done ... i dont know if i coulda disappointed my dad by saying no, its my life.
but, i also told him that i couldnt just plunge into something because i DO NOT TRUST HIM.
i also said that we could just be DISTANT friends like we are right now and keep it at that. i am not ready to have extra drama, extra baggage and extra anything. most of all that he cant just waltz in here expecting me to commit just cause im not dating anyone when he's made very selfish decisions.
i did say if he wishes he can try and earn my trust back, but that doesnt mean that i'll give him a chance. it also didnt mean that i'll wait for him or that i wont date anyone. i said it was my time to be selfish and my time to do whatever i wanted.
______________
it is pretty easy to give advice to someone on what the RIGHT thing to do is, because when watching from the outside in, the RIGHT thing is apparant. its obvious and its right there smacking in u in the face and u feel like that omg, how could u not see it. although, its very very very difficult being the person making that decision. it was hard for me not cause i cant live without him, its not that i wont be able to fall in love again or i wont find someone else or any of that stuff.
its that i can live without him, been doing it for over a year. i am happy with being single. i REALLY am. i am content in my life and its actually nice to not have drama. its that i wanted to live WITH HIM for soooooo long, that all those memories came back and that little hope of my dreams coming true came back as well. its that i am happy without him around and content, that when i was with him I WAS ALWAYS ECSTATIC. its that i wasnt just content, i was more than that.
yes i did make my decisions to inherently protect my self from getting hurt again and protect my self from him fucking up again and further hurting me. although, sometimes you cant just make decisions with ure BRAIN. so i left an open window for him to try make it up to me - to make sure i dont close anything. just in case. im a person who always hangs on WHAT IF'S.
i want to make sure i leave this open because two/three years down the road i dont want to sit here and wonder, what if. because that will stop me from liking someone else.
i also think whatever happens, happens for a reason. may be this is a test of my belief's... may be this is to show me how wrong he is, or how right he is. may be this is to let me know MOVE ON, or stay - i dont know... but in time we'll know. i also think that if two people are meant to be, they'll be together somehow .. someway.
so im gonna leave it as us being DISTANT friends.... i wont put my self in a situation where the direct result is GETTING HURT. if we're really meant to be together -- then u know what we may be or better yet may be i'll FIND SOMEONE EVEN MORE WONDERFUL AND BETTER ..... who knows.
so for now..... distant friends and thats it. oh yea what you mean by distant friends. it basically means that we speak to each other once or twice every season via email or something. calls are only made if ure dying or i guess having another annulment (bad joke .. hahha). oh and personal meetings are only when mutual friends invite us both to a b'day party or something like that. even then we barely speak to each other. just a quick clarification...
thank you SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for ure honest opinions. i really do appreciate it.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
torn
ok so omg.. listen up here.. if you dont already know or are still on the edge about my life being like a soap opera, this one here will definitely confirm it.
so my ex, u know the one from a year and half ago -- well before i continue with this, i have to do a quick recap
1. i was MADLY in love with him, wanted to marry him
2. we dated for almost 4 years..
2. he was the only that ever gave me butterflies every time he touched me -- even after all those years of dating him.. the butterflies were always there.
3. he did dump me, got engaged to some chick from saudi arabia within 2 months and married her soon there after
so we did manage to stay friends over this whole time, because he did rescue me from that fiasco in houston. flew me out, and paid for all the tickets and all. his wife has always been in a different country and him in a different country. he calls me the other day and says
NOW NOW.. BRACE URE SELVES....
"HEY, I DIVORCED MY WIFE, ACTUALLY ANNULED OUR NON-EXISTANT MARRIAGE." he continues to say that the marriage was only to please his parents and was only on paper. he never touched her, never slept in the same bed. i know for a fact that they were never even in the same country. he then says actually, they were only considered married in saudi arabia under the muslim religion, they weren't even legally married under the court."
and im like "hmmmmmmmmmmmm......."
and he says "i love you, always have loved you, i have never forgotten about you. im sorry i did this to you, but when u said no... blah blah blah".
well side bar real quick
we're both of two completely two different religions.. he's muslim and well im jain. his parents found out about us dating 4 months before we broke up. so ergo the "chat mangni, pat biha" thing (quick engagement and a hurried marriage). i knew all along that he was breaking up with me to marry her. he actually had asked to marry me the day we broke up - but i said NO. i wasnt ready for a marriage then. i mean i was just ending my first year of grad school. i didnt wanna tell my parents, figured they wouldnt approve of it either. i didnt wanna run away... and i was only 22. i didnt want a marriage so hurried and forced like that u know? so we broke up, and to please his parents he decided to marry HER, somone he saw the day he got married and somene he never saw again. weird huh?
right this second my heart is pounding.. pounding because one side its thinking hes back, my love, he's here.. omg he's here. the other side its thinking oh shit, he's here, i dont want him back, asshole, i said no and he runs away... blah blah
im fighting with my self the whole time he's telling me all this stuff. i just didnt know what to do..
i mean yea technically i count what he did as "cheating". even though he broke up with me.. he cheated me of the future i shoulda had with him... he went and married some stupid bimbo because she was muslim to please his parents. although, i did say no to him because i didnt wanna disappoint my parents, almost he same reason he married that bimbo.. so then arent we ALIKE? just two different ways...
its times like these i dont know what to do..
he wants to start being good friends and getting together again and he said.. eventually he'd like us to start dating and be together again. he already told his parents that he annuled that marriage for me, that he's in love with me and all... currently he's not on speaking terms with his parents.
should i be friends with him again? like really let him get close to me again??? should i give him a chance?? or should i just say NO and walk away. i havent dated a sole since i broke up with him, yea went on stupid dates here and there. no one got a second date from me but two people, and those two were forced second dates. i did madly love this guy and he's the only one that ever gave me butterflies..
i am HONESTLY asking for real advice here. so i dont know... what should i do? if i do seriously give this guy a chance, it would be FOREVER kinda chance. i dont think my parents would like it - actually i think they'd be super disappointed in me. but should i live for my parents? i mean he did - he went and married someone in a different country to keep them happy - he was miserable.
guys im super torn here..... i told him i needed time to think and time to figure somethings out. when we were together, we barely fought, he was my sanity and even after we broke up - he was there for me. i know im being redundant, and probably not making sense here. its hard to find a guy who loves you for you. he was one of those that thought i was pretty without make up and with morning breathe, horrible hungover and a mess of hair. hehe.. he was the only one who tolerated all my stupid temper tantrums - that even my family has a time dealing with.
but he did leave me. so i dont know.. i need a third rational party to tell me wats up. is it practical to go after love or should i just stay rational and logical and unforgiving. how big of a mistake is TOO big to forgive? is this TOO big?
sorry for the ramble
so my ex, u know the one from a year and half ago -- well before i continue with this, i have to do a quick recap
1. i was MADLY in love with him, wanted to marry him
2. we dated for almost 4 years..
2. he was the only that ever gave me butterflies every time he touched me -- even after all those years of dating him.. the butterflies were always there.
3. he did dump me, got engaged to some chick from saudi arabia within 2 months and married her soon there after
so we did manage to stay friends over this whole time, because he did rescue me from that fiasco in houston. flew me out, and paid for all the tickets and all. his wife has always been in a different country and him in a different country. he calls me the other day and says
NOW NOW.. BRACE URE SELVES....
"HEY, I DIVORCED MY WIFE, ACTUALLY ANNULED OUR NON-EXISTANT MARRIAGE." he continues to say that the marriage was only to please his parents and was only on paper. he never touched her, never slept in the same bed. i know for a fact that they were never even in the same country. he then says actually, they were only considered married in saudi arabia under the muslim religion, they weren't even legally married under the court."
and im like "hmmmmmmmmmmmm......."
and he says "i love you, always have loved you, i have never forgotten about you. im sorry i did this to you, but when u said no... blah blah blah".
well side bar real quick
we're both of two completely two different religions.. he's muslim and well im jain. his parents found out about us dating 4 months before we broke up. so ergo the "chat mangni, pat biha" thing (quick engagement and a hurried marriage). i knew all along that he was breaking up with me to marry her. he actually had asked to marry me the day we broke up - but i said NO. i wasnt ready for a marriage then. i mean i was just ending my first year of grad school. i didnt wanna tell my parents, figured they wouldnt approve of it either. i didnt wanna run away... and i was only 22. i didnt want a marriage so hurried and forced like that u know? so we broke up, and to please his parents he decided to marry HER, somone he saw the day he got married and somene he never saw again. weird huh?
right this second my heart is pounding.. pounding because one side its thinking hes back, my love, he's here.. omg he's here. the other side its thinking oh shit, he's here, i dont want him back, asshole, i said no and he runs away... blah blah
im fighting with my self the whole time he's telling me all this stuff. i just didnt know what to do..
i mean yea technically i count what he did as "cheating". even though he broke up with me.. he cheated me of the future i shoulda had with him... he went and married some stupid bimbo because she was muslim to please his parents. although, i did say no to him because i didnt wanna disappoint my parents, almost he same reason he married that bimbo.. so then arent we ALIKE? just two different ways...
its times like these i dont know what to do..
he wants to start being good friends and getting together again and he said.. eventually he'd like us to start dating and be together again. he already told his parents that he annuled that marriage for me, that he's in love with me and all... currently he's not on speaking terms with his parents.
should i be friends with him again? like really let him get close to me again??? should i give him a chance?? or should i just say NO and walk away. i havent dated a sole since i broke up with him, yea went on stupid dates here and there. no one got a second date from me but two people, and those two were forced second dates. i did madly love this guy and he's the only one that ever gave me butterflies..
i am HONESTLY asking for real advice here. so i dont know... what should i do? if i do seriously give this guy a chance, it would be FOREVER kinda chance. i dont think my parents would like it - actually i think they'd be super disappointed in me. but should i live for my parents? i mean he did - he went and married someone in a different country to keep them happy - he was miserable.
guys im super torn here..... i told him i needed time to think and time to figure somethings out. when we were together, we barely fought, he was my sanity and even after we broke up - he was there for me. i know im being redundant, and probably not making sense here. its hard to find a guy who loves you for you. he was one of those that thought i was pretty without make up and with morning breathe, horrible hungover and a mess of hair. hehe.. he was the only one who tolerated all my stupid temper tantrums - that even my family has a time dealing with.
but he did leave me. so i dont know.. i need a third rational party to tell me wats up. is it practical to go after love or should i just stay rational and logical and unforgiving. how big of a mistake is TOO big to forgive? is this TOO big?
sorry for the ramble
Saturday, October 20, 2007
1-800-THE-POOJ
so i was thinking that one day when i have a clinic, what would i call it, what would it spell... what catchy # would i use as a marketing tool. i thought to me, and my self said 'hmmm THE POOJ' would be good. a number that spells THE POOJ. what might you ask that be..
well here's a website for your convienience. put a word and it'll tell u what the digits are for it. put in ure # and it'll tell u what it spells, if anything.
hahaha my cellie quite doesnt spell anything. its FUN. lol my ex introduced me to it, i used to text him from a # that spelled POO BEAR, cause thats what he called me. yea yea yea keep the aww's and the how cute.
so i was playing around on the website yesterday trying to see if THE POOJ is catchy enough or what else could i call it =)... something fun, check it out.
click me <--- here's the website!! have fun...
well here's a website for your convienience. put a word and it'll tell u what the digits are for it. put in ure # and it'll tell u what it spells, if anything.
hahaha my cellie quite doesnt spell anything. its FUN. lol my ex introduced me to it, i used to text him from a # that spelled POO BEAR, cause thats what he called me. yea yea yea keep the aww's and the how cute.
so i was playing around on the website yesterday trying to see if THE POOJ is catchy enough or what else could i call it =)... something fun, check it out.
click me <--- here's the website!! have fun...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
creative imagination???
ok this is definitely not one of those profound posts..
this is one of those AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH kinda posts...
first things first.. my 3 year research is due next week. now this is one of those pass or you cant graduate kind of things and the grading is pretty high here. so everyone is FREAKING OUT. im not one to FREAK OUT. im one of those that says "well 70 means you pass, and 90 means you pass"... i'll take the 70. after 3 years, i could care less about my grade, i just WANT OUT OF HERE. so yes my lovely group - full of the idiots that i cant deal with. one of them is who i call the head bitch, she acts like she's next the best thing that happened to this planet. according to her she's right after oxygen and water ....
so i write up my part of the analysis and send it to the group and she writes up her part. i looked at her part, and it was CLEARLY lacking ANALYSIS. it was just a list in bullets format. how do you not ANALYZE something when the assignment is called ANALYSIS????
so i emailed her and told her "hey, you might want to expand on the bullets, because its worth 70% of our grade, and the prof asked us not to use bullets. thanks".
she emails me back and says "sorry, but i didnt want to just bullshit like you did. i actually said what i had to say without just rambling on like you. i hope that at a grad school level we can be concise, brief and still get the point around in a professional manner. im sorry you dont seem to understand that. thank you"
NOW NOW NOW.. SAY WHAT BIATCH???
i decided to keep my cool. first of all im better than her and i wont stoop to her level. second of all im more mature than her and my graduation depends on this. i took couple of deep breathes and said forget it. later on in the week i had to meet with my group to finish some tings... and she kept saying "bullshit like we did before" "bullshit like that" "bullshit this and that"
so to keep my self from plunging at her and punching her until the word bullshit is erased from her memory, i had to use my imagination to keep sane. so i continued to imagine my self putting her in a HUGE ball like the hamsters have and rolling her down the highway and watching her roll around in that as cars pass her by. hahahaha... i also did imagine me putting her on a space ship and then one of those huge star trek things comes and blows her ship into little pieces and the pieces end up making the little star trek symbol. i even imagined that it was one of those WWF matches, LOL - i even used a chair. hahahahahaha
then i thought what could be worse than sitting in this meeting, something to cheer me up. lets see id rather be run over a snow plow repeatedly, id rather be projected off a ferris wheel into hot boiling pot of lava, or id rather have a bunch of ninja's kung fu kick my ass into space... etc
got me through the meeting without causing some permenant damage.. sometimes its just better to keep patient and calm. ALTHOUGH, it doesnt mean you cant IMAGINE things, what people dont see, people dont know. haha, whatever it takes to keep a cool front, cause thats what people see and thats what matters.
this is one of those AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH kinda posts...
first things first.. my 3 year research is due next week. now this is one of those pass or you cant graduate kind of things and the grading is pretty high here. so everyone is FREAKING OUT. im not one to FREAK OUT. im one of those that says "well 70 means you pass, and 90 means you pass"... i'll take the 70. after 3 years, i could care less about my grade, i just WANT OUT OF HERE. so yes my lovely group - full of the idiots that i cant deal with. one of them is who i call the head bitch, she acts like she's next the best thing that happened to this planet. according to her she's right after oxygen and water ....
so i write up my part of the analysis and send it to the group and she writes up her part. i looked at her part, and it was CLEARLY lacking ANALYSIS. it was just a list in bullets format. how do you not ANALYZE something when the assignment is called ANALYSIS????
so i emailed her and told her "hey, you might want to expand on the bullets, because its worth 70% of our grade, and the prof asked us not to use bullets. thanks".
she emails me back and says "sorry, but i didnt want to just bullshit like you did. i actually said what i had to say without just rambling on like you. i hope that at a grad school level we can be concise, brief and still get the point around in a professional manner. im sorry you dont seem to understand that. thank you"
NOW NOW NOW.. SAY WHAT BIATCH???
i decided to keep my cool. first of all im better than her and i wont stoop to her level. second of all im more mature than her and my graduation depends on this. i took couple of deep breathes and said forget it. later on in the week i had to meet with my group to finish some tings... and she kept saying "bullshit like we did before" "bullshit like that" "bullshit this and that"
so to keep my self from plunging at her and punching her until the word bullshit is erased from her memory, i had to use my imagination to keep sane. so i continued to imagine my self putting her in a HUGE ball like the hamsters have and rolling her down the highway and watching her roll around in that as cars pass her by. hahahaha... i also did imagine me putting her on a space ship and then one of those huge star trek things comes and blows her ship into little pieces and the pieces end up making the little star trek symbol. i even imagined that it was one of those WWF matches, LOL - i even used a chair. hahahahahaha
then i thought what could be worse than sitting in this meeting, something to cheer me up. lets see id rather be run over a snow plow repeatedly, id rather be projected off a ferris wheel into hot boiling pot of lava, or id rather have a bunch of ninja's kung fu kick my ass into space... etc
got me through the meeting without causing some permenant damage.. sometimes its just better to keep patient and calm. ALTHOUGH, it doesnt mean you cant IMAGINE things, what people dont see, people dont know. haha, whatever it takes to keep a cool front, cause thats what people see and thats what matters.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
me time...
hmm ever feel like in this crazy schedule that we have, none of us get me time???
i mean even on a day off, those of us that are still in school, have homework, projects blah blah to do. for those that are still in school or working - there's always ERRANDS to run, laundry to do, cleaning the room - bathroom - kitchen - something always needs to be cleaned, bank, checks, payments -- if none of this - then the moron you finds the need to schedule time with friends. this involves entertaining, therefore more cleaning and definitely cooking and smashing all of the above in a smaller time frame to have a "fun" time later.
hahaha, ends up being WAY more hectic than you imagined and there it is, sunday night. your weekend flew by, you barely got any rest or got time to relax. you actually did more work than you would on a regular weekday and now you're more exhausted than you were on friday after work. AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW??
MORE WORK.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
lol it helps i promise. hahahaha.. so i ask you when was the last time you took out ME TIME. i mean serious ME TIME. take a long ass bath, or spend the day sleeping or giving ure self a nice mani/pedi, or read for all u people that like to waste all that eye energy. OH thats right, I WENT THERE. i hate reading.
whatever it is that you like to do for ME time --> when was the last time you got to do it??
as for me? the last time i took a bath was ages ago, last time i gave me a mani/pedi was seriously over 3 months ago, last time i spend a whole day sleeping was 6 weeks ago. last time i drew or did any art was 6 years ago (sad eh?). i used to draw all the time, it was my relaxing thing to do.
my life is soo bad right now, that even when i watch tv im doing busy work for school like polishing up a project, proof reading something, fixing my presentation etc.
TAKE SOME ME TIME before you're too burned out. its easy to get lost in a routine and not think about YOU AN YOUR SANITY.
i mean even on a day off, those of us that are still in school, have homework, projects blah blah to do. for those that are still in school or working - there's always ERRANDS to run, laundry to do, cleaning the room - bathroom - kitchen - something always needs to be cleaned, bank, checks, payments -- if none of this - then the moron you finds the need to schedule time with friends. this involves entertaining, therefore more cleaning and definitely cooking and smashing all of the above in a smaller time frame to have a "fun" time later.
hahaha, ends up being WAY more hectic than you imagined and there it is, sunday night. your weekend flew by, you barely got any rest or got time to relax. you actually did more work than you would on a regular weekday and now you're more exhausted than you were on friday after work. AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW??
MORE WORK.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
lol it helps i promise. hahahaha.. so i ask you when was the last time you took out ME TIME. i mean serious ME TIME. take a long ass bath, or spend the day sleeping or giving ure self a nice mani/pedi, or read for all u people that like to waste all that eye energy. OH thats right, I WENT THERE. i hate reading.
whatever it is that you like to do for ME time --> when was the last time you got to do it??
as for me? the last time i took a bath was ages ago, last time i gave me a mani/pedi was seriously over 3 months ago, last time i spend a whole day sleeping was 6 weeks ago. last time i drew or did any art was 6 years ago (sad eh?). i used to draw all the time, it was my relaxing thing to do.
my life is soo bad right now, that even when i watch tv im doing busy work for school like polishing up a project, proof reading something, fixing my presentation etc.
TAKE SOME ME TIME before you're too burned out. its easy to get lost in a routine and not think about YOU AN YOUR SANITY.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
spectrum of life
you know its soo timely that vik did his recent "famous" post on extra marital affairs. recently with unwelcome proposal from my first ex to have an "affair" with him before his marriage, my second ex married and ready to be divorced, my good friend marrying someone he's not madly in love with and my other friend marrying someone he's cheated on REPEATEDLY <-- with all of this madness i have some friends in relationships that are just not suitable.
then i have a friend whose having an affair with her married boss. uh oh!! something i dont approve of, but i see it, i hear of it. so its not that i've seen it only from one side, ive been on both sides. i know a friend whose divorcing her hubbie because he cheated, i know a friend cheating on someone's hubbie. i cant make decisions for people, so im certainly not the one to judge.
then i have a friend who think she's too good for all the guys, no one's quite good enough. the man she's in love with has kids and no marriage. i know a friend who doesnt do relationships - only one night stands. i know someone who knows that the guy she's with cheats on her repeatedly, but stays for the comfort, the label of having a bf, for that self esteem boost that someone "loves" her. i know a couple in a marriage, where the guy stays at work till 8pm so that he only has to see his wife for may an hour or so before he goes back to bed. he has a small TV at his desk at work, HE DOESNT COME HOME.
i see that all around me. i see this madness, this spectrum - everyone in different aspects of their lives. everyone wanting something, but are stuck in something else. especially all the ones that are married. every single of my friend that is married or on his/her way to marriage, was in a relationship that was dysfunctional (i.e cheating, fighting, abuse, disrespect or in love with someone else).
ALL OF THEM ENDED UP MARRYING THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY HOPED THINGS WILL WORK OUT. HOPPPEEDDDD
HOPE???? i dont mean to be a buzz kill but HOPE is not something you base ure WHOLE FUTURE ON. i know i know --- u gotta have hope. but COME ON!! what are the chances of something working out when ure entering it with so much negative. lets face life shall we??
lets all grow up and really WAKE THE FUCK UP. do you really think changing the TITLE will change ure relationship??
its still u, its still him - if it doesnt work at bf/gf - you HOPE it'll work with fiance added?? if it doesnt work as fiance - you really HOPE that it'll work with the added title of "husband and wife". ITS STILL THE SAME PPL - you and him. you should be able to make it work regardless of any title. hope - nothing to do with it.
personally - im not excited with where i am in the spectrum of my life, but im DAMN happy im not anywhere near these people. i would love to be in a relationship, but im happy im not in a bad one heading to a marriage or stuck in a bad marriage heading to disaster. so all you people whining about being single... STOP IT. be happy that u arent stuck in a bad relationship or marriage.
DONT SETTLE - why should u? not cause ure better, cause u and him deserve someone good and compatible. dont be in a relationship for SELF ESTEEM , make sure ure HAPPY WITH YOU BEFORE U ENTER ANY RELATIONSHIP.
if u wanna change you, CHANGE YOU FOR YOU, not for someone else. the spectrum of life isnt that good around me.
MY WHOLE POINT - its not that UNCOMMON for disasters that you see in the drastic indian tv series to happen. they happen in everyday life - such as the life of MOI. these are the adventures lived by other commoners in my life.
then i have a friend whose having an affair with her married boss. uh oh!! something i dont approve of, but i see it, i hear of it. so its not that i've seen it only from one side, ive been on both sides. i know a friend whose divorcing her hubbie because he cheated, i know a friend cheating on someone's hubbie. i cant make decisions for people, so im certainly not the one to judge.
then i have a friend who think she's too good for all the guys, no one's quite good enough. the man she's in love with has kids and no marriage. i know a friend who doesnt do relationships - only one night stands. i know someone who knows that the guy she's with cheats on her repeatedly, but stays for the comfort, the label of having a bf, for that self esteem boost that someone "loves" her. i know a couple in a marriage, where the guy stays at work till 8pm so that he only has to see his wife for may an hour or so before he goes back to bed. he has a small TV at his desk at work, HE DOESNT COME HOME.
i see that all around me. i see this madness, this spectrum - everyone in different aspects of their lives. everyone wanting something, but are stuck in something else. especially all the ones that are married. every single of my friend that is married or on his/her way to marriage, was in a relationship that was dysfunctional (i.e cheating, fighting, abuse, disrespect or in love with someone else).
ALL OF THEM ENDED UP MARRYING THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY HOPED THINGS WILL WORK OUT. HOPPPEEDDDD
HOPE???? i dont mean to be a buzz kill but HOPE is not something you base ure WHOLE FUTURE ON. i know i know --- u gotta have hope. but COME ON!! what are the chances of something working out when ure entering it with so much negative. lets face life shall we??
lets all grow up and really WAKE THE FUCK UP. do you really think changing the TITLE will change ure relationship??
its still u, its still him - if it doesnt work at bf/gf - you HOPE it'll work with fiance added?? if it doesnt work as fiance - you really HOPE that it'll work with the added title of "husband and wife". ITS STILL THE SAME PPL - you and him. you should be able to make it work regardless of any title. hope - nothing to do with it.
personally - im not excited with where i am in the spectrum of my life, but im DAMN happy im not anywhere near these people. i would love to be in a relationship, but im happy im not in a bad one heading to a marriage or stuck in a bad marriage heading to disaster. so all you people whining about being single... STOP IT. be happy that u arent stuck in a bad relationship or marriage.
DONT SETTLE - why should u? not cause ure better, cause u and him deserve someone good and compatible. dont be in a relationship for SELF ESTEEM , make sure ure HAPPY WITH YOU BEFORE U ENTER ANY RELATIONSHIP.
if u wanna change you, CHANGE YOU FOR YOU, not for someone else. the spectrum of life isnt that good around me.
MY WHOLE POINT - its not that UNCOMMON for disasters that you see in the drastic indian tv series to happen. they happen in everyday life - such as the life of MOI. these are the adventures lived by other commoners in my life.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
CHEATER...
recently ive started playing chess with one of my friends.... it took me a while to repolish my tactics. the first time i played was 3 months ago, and that was after almost a decade or so...
so there i was, warning my friend how i hadnt played in years and i kicked off the game. eventually came the time i had to move the "horse" thingie.. and there i went all proud of me cause i went in for a kill. my friend immediately loooks at me and YELLS " YOU CHEATER... did you really think u'd get that past me".
there i was honestly offended and completely SHOCKED.. i was outraged, i looked at him pissed off. i sat there justified my move and what not, we got into this huge thing. he went and said "i dont know where u learned to play chess, but thats cheating"...
then i thought to my self.. UH OH. i learned it from the BEST cheater in the world. lol... my grandpa...
i grew up playing chess with him, and well according him as long as the other person doesnt catch u cheating is ok. hahahaha... so he always moved the horse piece a certain way, and thats what i remembered. clearly, i never caught it -- hahaha.
he always cheated in rami, but i knew the rules from my grandma and my sister, so i'd catch him. he'd sneak in a card when i wasnt looking, he'd keep a card under his pillow. lol he even would use his "old age" as an example to get away. hahaha ..... although, it was so much fun to play bluff or char so bees (420) with him. we both made up our own rules as the game advanced to each's advantage.
i remember playing cards with him when i went back after finishing high school - he hid a whole deck under his sheets and blamed it on him being sick that it took forever for him to come up with cards. LOL... i sat there wondering how i lost 10 games in a row.
hehe... i did explain to my friend about how i learned chess and well he taught me the right way. although, im glad i learned it the other way and im glad i all those fun memories with my grandpa. i wouldnt trade it for anything.... may be he's the reason i have an VERY GOOD POKER FACE =)...and he is in my inspiration when i cheat at uno, so what i like to win *insert angelic face here*
its one thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, its another thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, and be on the kids level...
among all the things that october is, october is also the month my grandpa passed away 5 years ago.
so there i was, warning my friend how i hadnt played in years and i kicked off the game. eventually came the time i had to move the "horse" thingie.. and there i went all proud of me cause i went in for a kill. my friend immediately loooks at me and YELLS " YOU CHEATER... did you really think u'd get that past me".
there i was honestly offended and completely SHOCKED.. i was outraged, i looked at him pissed off. i sat there justified my move and what not, we got into this huge thing. he went and said "i dont know where u learned to play chess, but thats cheating"...
then i thought to my self.. UH OH. i learned it from the BEST cheater in the world. lol... my grandpa...
i grew up playing chess with him, and well according him as long as the other person doesnt catch u cheating is ok. hahahaha... so he always moved the horse piece a certain way, and thats what i remembered. clearly, i never caught it -- hahaha.
he always cheated in rami, but i knew the rules from my grandma and my sister, so i'd catch him. he'd sneak in a card when i wasnt looking, he'd keep a card under his pillow. lol he even would use his "old age" as an example to get away. hahaha ..... although, it was so much fun to play bluff or char so bees (420) with him. we both made up our own rules as the game advanced to each's advantage.
i remember playing cards with him when i went back after finishing high school - he hid a whole deck under his sheets and blamed it on him being sick that it took forever for him to come up with cards. LOL... i sat there wondering how i lost 10 games in a row.
hehe... i did explain to my friend about how i learned chess and well he taught me the right way. although, im glad i learned it the other way and im glad i all those fun memories with my grandpa. i wouldnt trade it for anything.... may be he's the reason i have an VERY GOOD POKER FACE =)...and he is in my inspiration when i cheat at uno, so what i like to win *insert angelic face here*
its one thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, its another thing to be a grown up and play with a kid, and be on the kids level...
among all the things that october is, october is also the month my grandpa passed away 5 years ago.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
october...
sooooo the new colors on my blog are in honor halloween. although the text is in pink because october is BREAST CANCER MONTH. october is also PHYSICAL THERAPY awareness month. go to
breast cancer
physical therapy
chicago marathon
october is also the month chicago holds the annual chicago MARATHON. the marathon consists of thousands of people from all over the world, mostly usa and africa and few other countries. the marathon is 26.2 miles, and a big mile stone towards progressing to the higher level marathon. you have to qualify within a certain time limit to go forward to the higher level. i volunteered on the medical team last year. it was a AWESOME experience and i wish i could do it again this year. its on OCTOBER 7TH, the marathon starts at 8am and ends around 3pm. please if ure in chicago, go downtown and just help out or go support the runners. it takes tremendous effort, motivation and determination to run this and accomplish this milestone. many of the runners are in the middle ages and or young children. they even have a special race for the disabled atheletes, who perform with great capacity. since your body is not designed to run without a stop for 6 hours at a time, it just collapses at the finish line. its fascinating how people finish this race, its not easy running for 26.2 miles. it takes my car 35-40 minutes at 45 mph to accomplish around 26 miles. imagine running it?
its just a different feeling to be around people who have accomplished something like this.. just fabulous to help out. for someone that knows how hard running is - my personal goal is to run 2 miles without stopping. (hahahaha i know its pathetic, but whatever) i really appreciate these runners. i did a post on it last year when i volunteered, sucks i cant reference it cause i shut down my old blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hahaha yes yes indeed all of you were right. chocolate is something i couldnt do without for TOO LONG. although if its worth anything its super hard to go without something thats in ure face at all times. i mean whats happened to our society even simple healthy foods have chocolate in it to make it taste better:
cereal - coco puffs, coco krispies and what not
granola bars - chocolate chips, heath bars, snickers power bars
cookies
ice cream - omg, alot of variety of chocolate ice cream..
cakes - so many different kinds..oh my
brownies
candy
trail mix - even that has chocolate
coffee - all GOOD tasting fraps and capachinos have mocha
hot chocolate
muffins - even muffins are made with chocolate chips -- that i actually dont like
bread
spreads like nutella
milk - chocolate milk or powders like ovaltine and bournvita
lets not forget all the different types of chocolate - omg kit kats, twix and what not. and my ultimate favorite is cadbury's fruit and nut (yummilicious)
smores
I MEAN this is just everyday things... so yes i slipped. but i mean it was hard to keep up, cause even if i go to study, i cant have coffee. i even bought chocolate coffee from folgers. what i told you i liked coffee and chocolate, its an awesome combination, smells like hot chocolate. its phenomenal actually. it was just too difficult, but well my goal is to lower the amount of chocolate intake.. although i did last a whole 2 weeks before my slips..
so ALL OF YOU ARE WINNERS AND EACH OF YOU HAVE ONE WISH... please make it reasonable. i'll try my best to make it come true ;)
ENJOY OCTOBER AND all things fabulous. in it.. more awareness posts will be coming.
breast cancer
physical therapy
chicago marathon
october is also the month chicago holds the annual chicago MARATHON. the marathon consists of thousands of people from all over the world, mostly usa and africa and few other countries. the marathon is 26.2 miles, and a big mile stone towards progressing to the higher level marathon. you have to qualify within a certain time limit to go forward to the higher level. i volunteered on the medical team last year. it was a AWESOME experience and i wish i could do it again this year. its on OCTOBER 7TH, the marathon starts at 8am and ends around 3pm. please if ure in chicago, go downtown and just help out or go support the runners. it takes tremendous effort, motivation and determination to run this and accomplish this milestone. many of the runners are in the middle ages and or young children. they even have a special race for the disabled atheletes, who perform with great capacity. since your body is not designed to run without a stop for 6 hours at a time, it just collapses at the finish line. its fascinating how people finish this race, its not easy running for 26.2 miles. it takes my car 35-40 minutes at 45 mph to accomplish around 26 miles. imagine running it?
its just a different feeling to be around people who have accomplished something like this.. just fabulous to help out. for someone that knows how hard running is - my personal goal is to run 2 miles without stopping. (hahahaha i know its pathetic, but whatever) i really appreciate these runners. i did a post on it last year when i volunteered, sucks i cant reference it cause i shut down my old blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hahaha yes yes indeed all of you were right. chocolate is something i couldnt do without for TOO LONG. although if its worth anything its super hard to go without something thats in ure face at all times. i mean whats happened to our society even simple healthy foods have chocolate in it to make it taste better:
cereal - coco puffs, coco krispies and what not
granola bars - chocolate chips, heath bars, snickers power bars
cookies
ice cream - omg, alot of variety of chocolate ice cream..
cakes - so many different kinds..oh my
brownies
candy
trail mix - even that has chocolate
coffee - all GOOD tasting fraps and capachinos have mocha
hot chocolate
muffins - even muffins are made with chocolate chips -- that i actually dont like
bread
spreads like nutella
milk - chocolate milk or powders like ovaltine and bournvita
lets not forget all the different types of chocolate - omg kit kats, twix and what not. and my ultimate favorite is cadbury's fruit and nut (yummilicious)
smores
I MEAN this is just everyday things... so yes i slipped. but i mean it was hard to keep up, cause even if i go to study, i cant have coffee. i even bought chocolate coffee from folgers. what i told you i liked coffee and chocolate, its an awesome combination, smells like hot chocolate. its phenomenal actually. it was just too difficult, but well my goal is to lower the amount of chocolate intake.. although i did last a whole 2 weeks before my slips..
so ALL OF YOU ARE WINNERS AND EACH OF YOU HAVE ONE WISH... please make it reasonable. i'll try my best to make it come true ;)
ENJOY OCTOBER AND all things fabulous. in it.. more awareness posts will be coming.
Friday, September 28, 2007
wanna bet?
HI, my name is paulomee and im addicted to chocolate. its been 2 weeks and ive been struggling.
hhahahaha... no no i wouldnt willingly give up chocolate. lol im the bearer of magnets and stickers that read 'will work for chocolate' 'i would give up chocolate, but im not a quitter' 'chocolate is the cure for all' etc!
so recently i lost a BIGGGG bet with a friend... the stakes were high.
he bet no beer until Christmas and i bet no chocolate until Christmas... and by gosh, i lost. so yes... i have been chocolate less for the past 2 weeks. now can u imagine how hard it is.. not cause im addicted. that is partially the reason, but its cause CHOCOLATE IS EVERYWHERE.
its in ice cream, granola bars, milk, cookies, cereal, MOCHA drinks and coffee, brownies, pie, chocolate syrup, candy, Godiva (love iittt), chocolate mints, chocolate strawberries, nutella, hot coco....etc. yes, there's always options for chocolate less things, and most things like cereal and stuff - i dont even like chocolate in them. ITS THE REMINDER.. its when you see it and ure reminded that you cant have it, you want it. its the FORBIDDEN FRUIT and its much more enticing to me since its forbidden...
its quite annoying, but none the less ive had only 2 mistakes. i ate mint chocolate chip ice cream by mistake and chocolate cereal by mistake. usually my favorite cereal is raisin nut branch (love ittttttt) or honey nut branch or something like that -- but we were out and all i saw was coco puffs. ALTHOUGH, i am trying hard to stay away from it.
so lets see how long i last.... im taking bets on who thinks how long i'll last.
im supposed to last till december 25th. from today onwards i want bets on when YOU think my next slip up will be...
whoever wins gets one wish that shall be granted by me.. now now be reasonable with ure wish.. and u can wish for anything expect something insane like "buy me a computer or gimme a million dollars".
lets see who wins.!!!!
hhahahaha... no no i wouldnt willingly give up chocolate. lol im the bearer of magnets and stickers that read 'will work for chocolate' 'i would give up chocolate, but im not a quitter' 'chocolate is the cure for all' etc!
so recently i lost a BIGGGG bet with a friend... the stakes were high.
he bet no beer until Christmas and i bet no chocolate until Christmas... and by gosh, i lost. so yes... i have been chocolate less for the past 2 weeks. now can u imagine how hard it is.. not cause im addicted. that is partially the reason, but its cause CHOCOLATE IS EVERYWHERE.
its in ice cream, granola bars, milk, cookies, cereal, MOCHA drinks and coffee, brownies, pie, chocolate syrup, candy, Godiva (love iittt), chocolate mints, chocolate strawberries, nutella, hot coco....etc. yes, there's always options for chocolate less things, and most things like cereal and stuff - i dont even like chocolate in them. ITS THE REMINDER.. its when you see it and ure reminded that you cant have it, you want it. its the FORBIDDEN FRUIT and its much more enticing to me since its forbidden...
its quite annoying, but none the less ive had only 2 mistakes. i ate mint chocolate chip ice cream by mistake and chocolate cereal by mistake. usually my favorite cereal is raisin nut branch (love ittttttt) or honey nut branch or something like that -- but we were out and all i saw was coco puffs. ALTHOUGH, i am trying hard to stay away from it.
so lets see how long i last.... im taking bets on who thinks how long i'll last.
im supposed to last till december 25th. from today onwards i want bets on when YOU think my next slip up will be...
whoever wins gets one wish that shall be granted by me.. now now be reasonable with ure wish.. and u can wish for anything expect something insane like "buy me a computer or gimme a million dollars".
lets see who wins.!!!!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
sorry guys, i havent quite been around in the past couple days... school's been super busy and all the billion projects are catching up to me. since, this is the last academic quater, its wrap up time, with only 5 more weeks to go.
so bear with me for couple for days... may be weeks.
sorry that i havent quite visited any of ure sites either... hopefully soon =)
so bear with me for couple for days... may be weeks.
sorry that i havent quite visited any of ure sites either... hopefully soon =)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
micchami dukkadam..
so like my sister said in her post paryushan again that our paryushan ended on saturday and it was that time of the year for saying micchami dukkadam. please refer to her post, micchami dukkadam for what that means in depth. it just technically means that you forgive and forget things when someone says it to u and ask for forgivenes from someone by saying "micchami dukkadam" ure self. BASICALLY start off with a clean slate... atleast thats how i look at it...
so i had been thinking about it.. i havent said it to anyone this year. i decided that this year on, im only gonna say if i mean it. therefore, i havent said it to anyone yet.
in my long long long hours of thinking i could come up with a list of people i wanted to really say sorry to.
1. family - well my mom's a super mom with all the meals ready whenevery i want, whatever i want. she even wakes up at 5am sometimes to make me coffee when i have finals.. she does my laundry without asking and well helps me clean the MESS of a room i have =).. my dad, he's always there. he's like my little financial calender and accountant. hehee.. i write the checks, and he deposits them or mails them in and well sometimes he even pays my bills for me =). if i ask for a binder, he'll buy me 10. hahaha... if i complain there's no chocolate one day, i'll have 3 packets the next. i've always gotten more than i asked for from him, even though he has struggled enough to give it to me. hmm my brother, i definitely dont give him enough credit for being the awesome brother that he is. he works SUPER hard at work... and still comes home and listens to me whine some most occasions. he's one of those "nice guys". he treats his girls like a LADY... and I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. he's been hurt and used before, but yet, he's a gentleman. i really respect that about him, because well we all know how hard it is find a good guy. my sister -- well she is pretty nice. listens to me whine, bitch, moan and what not - not only on this silly blog, but thru emails, voicemails, phone calls, online msgs, chat, and lol if i could, i would leave her text msgs as well. hahahaha..
she's always there to cheer me and tell me im awesome.
SO I ask for forgiveness if i have hurt any of my family members this year, and im sure i have.
lastly, im not trying to be all great and awesome, but i wanna also forgive and forget two things that happened to me in the past year:
1 - being cheated on by my bf of 4 years, having that girl be his fiance and them getting married within days. the details are in SEVERAL previous posts, what that was pretty drastic shock. although, he rescued me and flew me back when i was stranded at the airport. so since then ive tried my best to come to terms with what happened and forgive and forget it all. his wife is also suffering from multiple sclerosis, so ive been helping him out with medical stuff. so im glad, i can forgive and forget that -- i never thought it would be in me to do so.
2. - being stranded at the airport. lord knows u guys have heard about that several times. i want to forgive and forget that. i've spoken to the guy after this... we've talked about it and well EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO ONE REALLY REALLY SHITTY DECISION IN THEIR LIVES. this was his. i know ive made some really shitty decisions in my life that have affected other people poorly, so i had to let go.
ive also realized that its better to let go. im not saying right away.. geez me and my ex broke up in june of 2006, and its september of 2007 - and im finally TRYING to forgive and forget it. TRYING BEING THE KEYWORD. so u gotta be mad initially, cause if ure not, that will give the person the right to walk all over you any number of times. u gotta be mad, and u gotta keep ure space away from that person, but whenever ure ready to let go, u should. its not good for you to keep grudges for ever. when you hold a grudge for ever you tend to become bitter - no reason to be bitter. =).
so there's my micchami dukkadam to all, its a week late, but better now than never right? and atleast i TRUELY mean it this year.
so i had been thinking about it.. i havent said it to anyone this year. i decided that this year on, im only gonna say if i mean it. therefore, i havent said it to anyone yet.
in my long long long hours of thinking i could come up with a list of people i wanted to really say sorry to.
1. family - well my mom's a super mom with all the meals ready whenevery i want, whatever i want. she even wakes up at 5am sometimes to make me coffee when i have finals.. she does my laundry without asking and well helps me clean the MESS of a room i have =).. my dad, he's always there. he's like my little financial calender and accountant. hehee.. i write the checks, and he deposits them or mails them in and well sometimes he even pays my bills for me =). if i ask for a binder, he'll buy me 10. hahaha... if i complain there's no chocolate one day, i'll have 3 packets the next. i've always gotten more than i asked for from him, even though he has struggled enough to give it to me. hmm my brother, i definitely dont give him enough credit for being the awesome brother that he is. he works SUPER hard at work... and still comes home and listens to me whine some most occasions. he's one of those "nice guys". he treats his girls like a LADY... and I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. he's been hurt and used before, but yet, he's a gentleman. i really respect that about him, because well we all know how hard it is find a good guy. my sister -- well she is pretty nice. listens to me whine, bitch, moan and what not - not only on this silly blog, but thru emails, voicemails, phone calls, online msgs, chat, and lol if i could, i would leave her text msgs as well. hahahaha..
she's always there to cheer me and tell me im awesome.
SO I ask for forgiveness if i have hurt any of my family members this year, and im sure i have.
lastly, im not trying to be all great and awesome, but i wanna also forgive and forget two things that happened to me in the past year:
1 - being cheated on by my bf of 4 years, having that girl be his fiance and them getting married within days. the details are in SEVERAL previous posts, what that was pretty drastic shock. although, he rescued me and flew me back when i was stranded at the airport. so since then ive tried my best to come to terms with what happened and forgive and forget it all. his wife is also suffering from multiple sclerosis, so ive been helping him out with medical stuff. so im glad, i can forgive and forget that -- i never thought it would be in me to do so.
2. - being stranded at the airport. lord knows u guys have heard about that several times. i want to forgive and forget that. i've spoken to the guy after this... we've talked about it and well EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO ONE REALLY REALLY SHITTY DECISION IN THEIR LIVES. this was his. i know ive made some really shitty decisions in my life that have affected other people poorly, so i had to let go.
ive also realized that its better to let go. im not saying right away.. geez me and my ex broke up in june of 2006, and its september of 2007 - and im finally TRYING to forgive and forget it. TRYING BEING THE KEYWORD. so u gotta be mad initially, cause if ure not, that will give the person the right to walk all over you any number of times. u gotta be mad, and u gotta keep ure space away from that person, but whenever ure ready to let go, u should. its not good for you to keep grudges for ever. when you hold a grudge for ever you tend to become bitter - no reason to be bitter. =).
so there's my micchami dukkadam to all, its a week late, but better now than never right? and atleast i TRUELY mean it this year.
Monday, September 17, 2007
metamorphosis....
its a ritual.... everytime a quater ends, and another begins - i take all the notes from the classes in the previous quater --> organize them into lovely binders by class and date and etc --> file them away in my tall ass blookshelf and make room for the new quater.
well this year i was a little lazy... hehe cause its the 3rd week of the new quater and i just did it. as i organized everything i found all my old albums from highschool and undergraduate years. i obviously flipped through them and WHOA influx of crazyyy memories.
this post isnt about the memories -- its about how ive changed over the years.
i remember loving earings when i was little.. then i got out of it.. and now im back into it. i love earings.
i remember HATING make up when i was high school -- i never put on make up until i was in college.. and now i do it almost every day. although, i dont have the perfect skin i used to have back in the teen years. can u believe it i went thru the teen years without a single pimple. fascinating eh? although i do love eye make up..
i used to be a tom boy up until well 4-5 years ago. hehehe.. yea my first skirt was bought by my sister when i was 16 - i never wore it. i used to HATE IT. then well obviously, i started getting into it because well -- actually i dont know why? hmmmm interesting.. but whatever..
definitely as i grew up, no matter how tom boyish i was in my dressing style - i was still fascinated by purses and shoes...
never can u have enough of those two!!
always had these phases i went in and out off.. it wasnt that i changed what i liked. always liked that stuff -- its just that i changed what i liked WHEN i liked it. its not like it was defined by my environment cause ud think id be a girly girl attending a all girls private school in india.. hahaha - quite the opposite actually.
its my own little metamorphosis.. weird how u can tell the changes when u look through years of photographs... i mean i'll try scan some of me back in the days when i was 10, 15, 18, etc... so u guys can see the difference. i probably wont, lol -- it was a good idea, but im well frankly, dont have time between school, work and the non-existant life with all the extra projects added onto the "if u want to graduate, u must complete this" claus.
so i wanna know what kinda phases have u guys been in and out of? what phase are you in now? were u consistent or kinda like me growing up??
well this year i was a little lazy... hehe cause its the 3rd week of the new quater and i just did it. as i organized everything i found all my old albums from highschool and undergraduate years. i obviously flipped through them and WHOA influx of crazyyy memories.
this post isnt about the memories -- its about how ive changed over the years.
i remember loving earings when i was little.. then i got out of it.. and now im back into it. i love earings.
i remember HATING make up when i was high school -- i never put on make up until i was in college.. and now i do it almost every day. although, i dont have the perfect skin i used to have back in the teen years. can u believe it i went thru the teen years without a single pimple. fascinating eh? although i do love eye make up..
i used to be a tom boy up until well 4-5 years ago. hehehe.. yea my first skirt was bought by my sister when i was 16 - i never wore it. i used to HATE IT. then well obviously, i started getting into it because well -- actually i dont know why? hmmmm interesting.. but whatever..
definitely as i grew up, no matter how tom boyish i was in my dressing style - i was still fascinated by purses and shoes...
never can u have enough of those two!!
always had these phases i went in and out off.. it wasnt that i changed what i liked. always liked that stuff -- its just that i changed what i liked WHEN i liked it. its not like it was defined by my environment cause ud think id be a girly girl attending a all girls private school in india.. hahaha - quite the opposite actually.
its my own little metamorphosis.. weird how u can tell the changes when u look through years of photographs... i mean i'll try scan some of me back in the days when i was 10, 15, 18, etc... so u guys can see the difference. i probably wont, lol -- it was a good idea, but im well frankly, dont have time between school, work and the non-existant life with all the extra projects added onto the "if u want to graduate, u must complete this" claus.
so i wanna know what kinda phases have u guys been in and out of? what phase are you in now? were u consistent or kinda like me growing up??
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