well ive been looking for an apology from my friend -- you know the guy i thought i was in love with, the one i wrote the poem for.. the one i went to visit in houston and yes also the one who left me stranded in that city all alone at the airport from 11pm to 4am telling me "he's on the way" and not answering my phone calls, voicemails and text msgs for the whole time i was there.
before i had a crush on him.. or whatever - besides that whole mess - WE WERE FRIENDS. friends for ever - so we both agreed. forever seems soo short eh?
so after all this mess.. i was still looking for a genuine apology and an explanation from my friend. i was soo upset and distraught that its been almost 3 months since the incident and i got nothing. how could one be soo non-chalant and ignorant after 5 years of a friendship?? it made me question a million things and i literally was a mess for awhile. in the midst of this mess, another friend of mine, who im not that close to said "god.. ure acting like J".
and suddenly this light went off in my brain. OMG J.. i remember when he was distraught and a mess after his breakup. i tried to be there for him as long as i could - but then one day i snapped, thinking he wasnt there for me when i needed him - why should i do it now. why should be there for him. i said mean things and well just added fuel to the fire. me and j - we were close. so then i thought - geez, i was a bitch back then. yea he wasnt there for me when i needed him to be - but that doesnt mean i ruin things further for him. i didnt have to be there for him, but i also didnt have to create more drama for him. I COULDA NOT DONE THAT. i coulda just walked away or said i needed space or something - instead of ruining things further for him. i know what it feels like not have anyone to go to and have a huge mess to deal with.
so i finally built up the strength, msg'd J and started talking. i thought he would blow up and not want to talk to me. instead he was an angel.. conversed with me and actually had a good conversation. we did talk bout how i hurt him and he hurt me and i think we're on our way to rebuild a friendship. so i guess - everything does happen for a reason...
that ass had to hurt me soo much for me to be lonely and be a mess so that id realize that i once hurt someone when it wasnt necessary. yes J wasnt there for me, but like i said i didnt have to be there for him either. but instead made matters worse - so this experience made me realize the bad i once did and hopefully am undoing it now..
so may be what they say is true - once you break a glass, you can put it back together, but it wont be like it used to be. i think this time - im buying a whole new glass and hopefully building it to be stronger.
apologies when sincere and from the heart - DO WORK. unfinished business always does come to bite you in the ass. hopefully i dont have alot more of it == hahaha, cause i dont know how much more biting i can take.
10 comments:
good luck! :)
hey Choco Im like u too...I sometimes forget to see what I have done/not done for my own reasons.
**unfinished business always does come to bite you in the ass.
So true!
Keshi.
And Im glad u realised ur own mistakes and hope to learn from em..cos some ppl realise em but dun admit to em. Ur very special Choco!
Karma follows no matter what so let it sort out others :)
Keshi.
hmm i had many broken glasses,thrwn few out of the window.few i saved for cannot think of living without them...
"unfinished business always does come to bite you in the ass"
Thats true!
have u read 'the fountainhead'?
there is a line that i like- pain always goes upto a certain point and after that....it stops.
"hopefully i dont have alot more of it == hahaha, cause i dont know how much more biting i can take."
u know i second ur thoughts! ive been hurt at times too and i fail to see if ever ive done something of the sort to other people. its all karma, i believe and we gotta settle our accounts! :)
oh, i wanted to tell u that i have been facing similar problems like u did about the blog thingie. i made it private a few days back and tried to find ur email id on ur profile. but ur profile is missing. aditi gave me ur id and ill send u an invite asap. though let me also inform u that ill posting on a new blog...ill share the new url as soon as something worth publishing goes up!
sorry for this delay.
take care!
hey, this is strange!
u have been posting on this blog by the name of chocolteluva, yet ur profile doesnt show u authoring this blog, but only the photo-blog that u and aditi share. hows that possible?
@nadim: thanks, its much needed.
@keshi: well i think its pretty easy to forget the bad you have done and easy to remember the bad others have done? u know.. and thank you. it only took me alot of suffering to realize the bad i had done = haha im special alright ;)..
@deepthi: im glad the few you kept are working out for, it might be leaky, but its still there eh?
@ash: oh yes, it is true and i learned it the hard way, although i guess there is no easy way in life..
@endevourme: i have not read it and hmmm i wonder - does it really stop ??? ive gotten hurt plenty times and lemme tell u jsut cause i have practice of it, doesnt mean it hurts less.
@trinnie: yes indeed, i definitely believe in karma.. and ure right, we do have to settle our accounts.
haha.... my paranoid sister - she asked me to take the link for this site out of chocolteluva's profile so that which ever extended family member found that site, they wouldnt find this one too. so u can only see the blog me and aditi share and not this one. =)
sorry - chocolteluva was from my primary gmail account - so i had to make my self a member, cause i had to keep signing off and signing on a different account to post..
LONG story... but ya i removed the link
and oh yea.. thanks trinnie for sending the invite and you dont have to apologize for the delay, i was just wondering if i was doing something wrong.. hehehe
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